IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #admission #people
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While
 there are some drawbacks associated with paid
admission
, I believe the main benefits are more substantial. On the one hand,
museums
 as they bring history to life through reenactments
also
 are a piece of our cultural legacy. A potential advantage of paid
admission
 may be
preservation
 and conservation. Many
museums
 house delicate and valuable
artifacts
Change the spelling
artefacts
show examples
 that require specialized care and conservation efforts. Governments should raise public awareness about the consequences of
preservation
 and encourage them by considering special programs
such
 as attracting advertising.
Therefore
,
admission
 fees contribute to these
preservation
 efforts.
For example
, the British Museum houses a vast collection of
artifacts
Change the spelling
artefacts
show examples
 and many of these
artifacts
Change the spelling
artefacts
show examples
 are delicate and require specialized care and conservation efforts to ensure their
preservation
 for future generations.
On the other hand
, another perceived benefit is the interpretation of historical figures through education programs.
In other words
,
museums
 offer education programs, workshops, and tours for visitors of all ages including school groups, families, adults, and seniors to help support these initiatives and first insight.
Moreover
, a
further
 benefit of paid
admission
 may be authorities can use it as a source of revenue for renovating
museums
 and the surrounding that area to make it charming for people who want to visit there and take pictures and share them on their personal social pages to attract a vast number of people of the whole world. On balance, it is true that paid
admission
 would seem advantageous under certain circumstances.
However
, in my view, it has positive effects in terms of taking up and preserving override the disadvantages.
Submitted by marzie.ghasemi98 on

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task achievement
Ensure that your ideas are fully developed and that you use sufficient, relevant examples to support your points. Dive deeper into the discussion about the benefits and drawbacks of paid admission to museums.
coherence cohesion
Focus on maintaining a clear, logical structure throughout your essay. Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next and that your ideas flow logically.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your essay effectively.
task achievement
You have addressed the topic well and covered both advantages and disadvantages of charging for museum admission.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
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