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Band 4.5

Today, many people don't know their neighbours in large city What problems does this cause what can be done about this

#people #neighbours #city
Nowadays, populations are increasing and our traditional neighbourhood relationship is going downfall. Many people are spending more time on social media and their improvement in life they are forgetting about their neighbours. One of the leading problems is mobile phones nowadays, parents are
also
 addicted to
this
, they are not thinking about their neighbours at all.
This
 problem is faced in many areas like in new york many of them have been in the same place for more than a year but they don'
t
 know their
neighbourhoods
 like newyork many countries people don'
t
 care about the
neighbourhoods
 many of them don'
t
 think the values and relationships of neighbours. The solution is to keep any events in every place by
this
 they can interact with each other by
this
 they can know the values of
neighbourhoods
 and they can live their real-life addiction towards phones can decrease and many kinds of stuff can be avoided neighbourhood relationships more important for every human being in the world. I conclude that many people don'
t
 have a community and networks nearby and in their lives, by speaking to their
neighbourhoods
 they can be happy in their lives and have support
Submitted by insighttribez on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure, with ideas not sufficiently developed or transitioned smoothly between paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and use cohesive devices to link your sentences and paragraphs together more effectively.
Task Achievement
Although you addressed the task, the response was incomplete and ideas were not comprehensive or fully relevant. Develop each point with specific details and examples, and ensure you address all parts of the task systematically to provide a complete answer.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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