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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many working peolple get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

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As a consequence
Linking Words
 of getting minimal
exercise
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, either
while
Linking Words
 at
work
Use synonyms
 or when they are off, employed
people
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 suffer from health issues.
This
Linking Words
because
Add a missing verb
is because
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Change preposition
apply
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a lack of
time
Use synonyms
 and designated
gym
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 sessions could solve
this
Linking Words
 problem. A hectic lifestyle leaves most working adults with little
time
Use synonyms
 for working out. Most
people
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work
Use synonyms
 from 9-5 with only a short lunch break and a long commute on top of
this
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, leaving them only a few hours in the evening for things other than
work
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. Often, they are so exhausted that free
time
Use synonyms
 is spent on more relaxing activities,
such
Linking Words
 as watching television or surfing the internet, meaning no
time
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 for keeping fit.
For example
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, many medical professionals in the UK spend more
that
Correct word choice
than
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 80 hours per week on
work
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-related activities, leaving them with little
time
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 to
workout
Correct your spelling
work
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. The most obvious way to solve the problem is to sign up for a
gym
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 and attend
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 sessions on a regular basis.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
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Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
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 will
exercise
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 more
regular
Change the word
regularly
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 if they will pay for
Use synonyms
gym
Add an article
a gym
the gym
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, or have easy access to
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 facilities. For those who need extra help to do
exercise
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 or get into shape,
personal
Add an article
a personal
the personal
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 coach might be a better solution.
For instance
Linking Words
, some companies have
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
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sport
Use synonyms
gym
Use synonyms
, and employees are able to use it for free or for
small
Correct article usage
a small
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emount
Correct your spelling
amount
amounts
 of money.
This
Linking Words
 will
allowed
Change the verb form
allow
be allowed
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to get a minimum
Use synonyms
Change preposition
of sport
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 activity after
work
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 and reduce
risk
Correct article usage
the risk
show examples
 of health issues. In conclusion, those in employment are not as fit as they could be
due to
Linking Words
 restrictions on their
time
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 and periods of
exercise
Use synonyms
 should be added to their daily timetable to alleviate
this
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 issue.

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Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure that the essay begins with a clear introduction, stating the topics that will be discussed. The conclusion should effectively summarize the points made without introducing completely new ideas.
Logical Structure
Work on the logical flow of the essay. Transition smoothly between ideas and ensure that each paragraph has a clear central theme that is developed throughout.
Supported Main Points
Support main points with more detailed and specific examples or arguments. Avoid vague statements and ensure that your reasoning is convincing and elaborated upon.
Complete Response
Fully address all parts of the task. Develop your arguments consistently, ensuring that you answer the question directly and completely.
Clear & Comprehensive Ideas
Clarify and expand upon your ideas to ensure that they are fully developed. Avoid ambiguity and strive to make your arguments comprehensive and detailed.
Relevant & Specific Examples
When providing examples, ensure that they are directly relevant and appropriately detailed to support your arguments.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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