IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

When ask to choose between a life without work and working most of time, people would always choose not to work. Do you agree or disagree with this statement

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Introduction
It is a common belief that many individuals desire to unwind but do not think about work. It is obvious that
this
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 trend would introduce the disadvantages and explain why I disagree with the opinion in
this
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 essay
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand,
it is clear that
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 not working brings about several drawbacks. First of all, the proportion of unemployment witnessed a significant upward trend
that is
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 because some people living without working may lose their ambition in order to become more wealthy.
In other words
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, a low living standard is established in their mind which has a negative effect on their life. Another reason is that it would make individuals lazy and ignorant of their business, especially because they are likely to face financial problems difficultly
such
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 as the expenditure on accommodation or food.
Consequently
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, there are more and more homeless appear
Body paragraph 2
On top of that, it is evident that an economic downturn is seen in a lot of countries with high rates of unemployment.
Furthermore
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, the citizens have to deal with various types of crime. It means that residents tend to be anxious about communicating with others in person to ensure that avoiding plenty of dangerous situations.
As a result
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, people have a tendency to lose their link with ones, so society is likely to be simplicial
Conclusion
To sum up
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, I believe that people ought to be hard-working and studious in their occupations in order to generate a fabulous society or foster economic growth to help a nation prone to develop comprehensively

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task achievement
Try to develop your main ideas more fully. Introduce more specific examples to support your points and make your arguments stronger.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between paragraphs. Using clear topic sentences and transitions can help guide the reader through your essay more effectively.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the essay well.
task achievement
You've managed to touch on important points about the implications of not working, including economic downturn and crime, which adds depth to your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • personal interests
  • social isolation
  • structured daily routine
  • sense of purpose
  • achievement
  • boredom
  • overworking
  • burnout
  • hobbies
  • family time
  • work pressures
  • stress
  • health issues
  • social interactions
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