New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experiences.
After the advent of technology, it is undeniable that it has considerably transformed the way people live and their leisure
time
including youngsters. The disputes regarding whether these transformations are beneficial or jeopardous to them are arising continuously. From my perspective, the drawbacks can hugely outweigh the advantages.
To begin
with, with an appropriate implication of these innovations, they can nurture creativity, increase problem-solving skills, and encourage intensiveness in teenagers. To illustrate more, for example
, there is an application named Minecraft that can be used to encourage creativity. Apart from that, they can create enjoyable learning methods and bridge the gap between free time
and education fostering the acquisition of knowledge for teenagers.
Nevertheless
, it is also
important to consider the potential negative impacts of innovations since prolonged exposure to screens can lead to various health issues such
as depression, obesity, and developmental delay, especially in young children. For instance
, according to
the researcher, it was found that people who regularly play TikTok, the famous application from China that is
extremely popular among adolescents nowadays, tend to have a symptom called attention deficit and cannot focus on anything for a long time
which consequently
affects their daily lives.
To conclude
, while
these changes in the way children spend their time
can be seen as a positive sign, the challenges caused by new innovations should not be overlooked as they seem to be more severe. Therefore
, when considering allowing technology to have a huge influence on your child, it should be carefully done under parental supervision to avoid undesirable aftermaths.Submitted by atikan17042547 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay presents clear main points but they could be developed further with specific examples and clearer explanations.
coherence cohesion
The introduction sets up the topic, but it could more clearly indicate the writer's position on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
A more logical progression of ideas with clearer transitions between paragraphs would improve readability and the overall structure of the essay.
task achievement
The task response could be improved by providing a more balanced view of both advantages and disadvantages before reaching a conclusion.
task achievement
Ensure that the response directly addresses the prompt, indicating if the advantages do indeed outweigh the disadvantages, and provide clear reasoning for this position.
task achievement
Use more relevant and specific examples to support each point. Make these examples detailed and explicitly linked to the main argument, so that they better illustrate and strengthen your points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.