IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Modern technology is used in many workplaces today. How do you think technology changed the ways people work? Do you think there any disadvantages of relying on technology at work?

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Nowadays, no matter where you
will
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apply
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go,
everywhere
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apply
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you will find the necessity to
work
Use synonyms
 with
technologies
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. They make our lives easier with the possibility to communicate effectively, to complete diverse tasks even if we are not in the
offise
Correct your spelling
office
 or at home. Technology
simplify
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simplifies
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 our
work
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 and
promote
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promotes
show examples
 the benefits of
easier
Correct article usage
an easier
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 life.
However
Linking Words
, using phones and computers everyday make us dependent on them and that
create
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creates
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 a lot of problems
to
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for
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 our health. First of all,
technologies
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 were created to ease our
life
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lives
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,
for example
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, to not
read
Verb problem
have to read
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 a lot of books to find the information we need.
in
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In
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 my opinion, with the
appearing
Replace the word
appearance
 of
Use synonyms
technologies
Punctuation problem
technologies,
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 our lives
absolutely
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have absolutely
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 changed, because that reduce manual
work
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.
Also
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, the communication between partners and
organization
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the organisation
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 became more effective. Computers ensure fewer errors than manual
work
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and
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, and
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information
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the information
show examples
 filled on it is transparent.
Nonetheless
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, there are some disadvantages which are created from using gadgets. Even though humans are capable
to do
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of doing
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 their job, it is known
than
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that
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 in the
apropiate
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appropriate
 future
robots
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, robots
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 will replace people and a massive job loss will start
Linking Words
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, as
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as well
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apply
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as it happens now.
other
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Another
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 problem is
ecscesive
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excessive
 dependence, and if
the
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apply
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most
part
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apply
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of
older
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the older
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 generation
has
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have
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 no problems
with
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apply
show examples
staying without phones for some time, the modern generation
struggle
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struggles
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 without access to their mobiles
as a result
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to
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of
show examples
 the school
system
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system,
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 where children are taught to use gadgets to complete their homework.
Also
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, a company that
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work
Correct subject-verb agreement
works
show examples
 with internet storage may confront with system crash and all files will be lost. From my point of view, it is important to navigate your screen time and to not forget about the real life around you, because a phone will never be better than
to have
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having
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 a
sincerity
Replace the word
sincere
 talk with a close friend.
To sum up
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, our lives are tightly connected with progressive
technologies
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and
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, and
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 they are useful for humanity, easing our
work
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, but it is
not
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no
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 less important to practice without them and spend
without them
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apply
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at least one day
at the
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a
show examples
 week
, to
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without them, to
show examples
 feel the importance of
a
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apply
show examples
real communication and take time just for yourself.

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task response
Answer both parts more directly. Say clearly how work changed, and say clearly what bad points there are.
task response
Add one or two clear work examples, like online meetings, faster data work, or work from home.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Some points are good, but they need more explanation.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. Keep this shape.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully, like First, Also, However, and To sum up.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph stay on one main idea. This will make your message easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long or not fully clear. Shorter sentences can help the reader.
task response
You answered both questions, so the reader can see your main position.
task response
You gave some relevant ideas, such as easier communication, less manual work, job loss, and system crash.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Basic linking words are used, and they help the essay move forward.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Automation
  • Remote work
  • Cloud computing
  • Video conferencing
  • Instant messaging
  • Collaborative platforms
  • Access to information
  • Internet resources
  • Decision-making
  • Skill development
  • Job displacement
  • AI (Artificial Intelligence)
  • Work-life balance
  • Data security
  • Hacking
  • Data breaches
  • Cyber-attacks
  • Technical glitches
  • Downtime
  • Productivity losses
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