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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that high salary is important when choosing a company to work for, while others think that good working atmosphere is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
Many people believe having a high income is crucial when selecting a
job
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others consider having a good working environment
is
Wrong verb form
to be
show examples
 more important.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views and
writer’s
Correct article usage
the writer’s
show examples
 opinion.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, some individuals think that finding a
job
Use synonyms
 that offers a high
salary
Use synonyms
 is crucial. Because they believe that the offered
salary
Use synonyms
 is
in-line
Correct your spelling
in line
show examples
 with the capacity and
job
Use synonyms
 descriptions that must be fulfilled.
For example
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, a high
salary
Use synonyms
 is usually given
for
Change preposition
to
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 top management with bigger responsibilities.
In addition
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, in areas that have a higher living cost, the amount of income plays an important role.
For instance
Linking Words
, living
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
downtown usually requires
highest
Change the article
the highest
show examples
 cost than other areas and the cost always
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
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 significantly
by
Change preposition
over
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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time.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,
job
Use synonyms
 seekers see that having a comfortable working office is the best choice.
Supportive
Add an article
A supportive
The supportive
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 environment in an office can boost employees’ productivity and motivation. It can have a positive effect on their performance and they can have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
better cooperation with other co-workers. Nowadays, a lot of workers resign because of
uncomfortable
Correct article usage
an uncomfortable
show examples
 working atmosphere.
For instance
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, company staff should finish jobs
that
Linking Words
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 their responsibilities and bad communication with other colleagues.
Conclusion
In conclusion, in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 selecting a
job
Use synonyms
 that can support us is better than having a higher income. Because being involved in an excellent working environment can motivate people to do better in their performances. Despite, earning
more
Fix the agreement mistake
a higher
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salary
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
 one of
crucial
Add an article
the crucial
show examples
 factors when accepting
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
work because of the high living expenses.

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coherence cohesion
The essay provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which aligns with the requirements of a well-structured argumentative essay. However, for improvement, strive to ensure that each paragraph seamlessly connects to the next, with more varied and sophisticated transitional phrases. Additionally, ensure that each main point is well-developed and elaborated upon, using clear examples or explanations to fully support the argument.
task achievement
The essay did address the task, providing discussion of both views and an opinion. To score higher, you should ensure that your ideas are explained in greater depth, offering more detailed and nuanced arguments. You should also incorporate specific and relevant examples to strengthen your points. Avoid overly general statements and aim to fully address all parts of the prompt with a balanced approach before giving a reasoned conclusion reflective of the discussed content.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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