There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Youngsters are struggling hard to become successful in their academic tasks these days. Some argue that non-academic
subjects
like cooking and physical education should not be included in the school
syllabus so that students
can fully focus on academic tasks. This
essay strongly agrees with this
statement because it will prevent extra load work and students
will enjoy studying subjects
of their interest.
First and foremost, removing non-academic subjects
reduces the workload on the students
. This
is to say that spending time
studying irrelevant and boring subjects
takes off the brain's energy. Also
, doing extra homework and assignments related to these subjects
wastes the time
of the children.
This
leads to poor performance
in other academic subjects
like science subjects
. For instance
, in Pakistan; students
at their school
level have to study subjects
such
as Home Economics, Agriculture etc. Students
find it difficult to prepare for these courses and spend a lot of time
getting through these subjects
. So, they cannot focus properly on other academic subjects
and their overall
performance
drops.
Eradication of non-academic courses causes students
to study subjects
of their choice and interests. This
is due to
the reason that with a full concentration on major subjects
, students
will enjoy doing their homework and assignments. This
will lead to improvement in their academics and performance
. For example
, students
at The Educators School
study subjects
of their interest.
In conclusion, to prevent poor performance
of students
in school
; it is necessary to remove non-academic subjects
because it prevents their time
and they enjoy studying interesting subjects
.Submitted by durefishan4455 on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure. Your essay shows an attempt at organizing ideas but lacks clear paragraphing and sometimes ideas within paragraphs are not logically connected. Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument and ensure each subsequent sentence relates directly to your topic sentence.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay includes an introduction and conclusion, but they could be more effective. Make sure the introduction clearly paraphrases the question and outlines your position, and the conclusion summarizes your arguments without introducing new information.
Coherence & Cohesion
While you have attempted to support your main points, the connections between ideas and the reasons why non-academic subjects should be removed are not fully expanded upon. Provide more detailed explanations and examples to substantiate your arguments clearly. Avoid overgeneralizations and unsupported claims.
Task Achievement
Make sure to respond completely to all parts of the task. You have communicated your position but need to develop your response further. Consider explaining the opposite viewpoint and why you disagree to show a fully developed response to the question. Ensure your ideas are relevant and provide specific examples to illustrate your points.
Task Achievement
The ideas presented in your essay are sometimes clear, but not comprehensive. Strive for depth in your response by exploring the implications of removing non-academic subjects. How does this benefit students in more detail, and what potential disadvantages might there be? Articulate these clearly to enhance your argument.
Task Achievement
You have provided an example from Pakistan to illustrate your point, which is good. However, aim to include a variety of specific examples from multiple contexts that support your argument effectively, and explain how these examples are relevant to the question.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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