There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressure #people #subjects #education #cookery #school #syllabus #children #work

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Youngsters are struggling hard to become successful in their academic tasks these days. Some argue that non-academic

subjects

Use synonyms

like cooking and physical education should not be included in the

school

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syllabus so that

students

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can fully focus on academic tasks.

This

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essay strongly agrees with

this

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statement because it will prevent extra load work and

students

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will enjoy studying

subjects

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of their interest. First and foremost, removing non-academic

subjects

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reduces the workload on the

students

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This

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is to say that spending

time

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studying irrelevant and boring

subjects

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takes off the brain's energy.

Also

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, doing extra homework and assignments related to these

subjects

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wastes the

time

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of the children.

This

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leads to poor

performance

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in other academic

subjects

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like science

subjects

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For instance

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, in Pakistan;

students

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at their

school

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level have to study

subjects

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such

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as Home Economics, Agriculture etc.

Students

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find it difficult to prepare for these courses and spend a lot of

time

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getting through these

subjects

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. So, they cannot focus properly on other academic

subjects

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and their

overall

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performance

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drops. Eradication of non-academic courses causes

students

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to study

subjects

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of their choice and interests.

This

Linking Words

due to

Linking Words

the reason that with a full concentration on major

subjects

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students

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will enjoy doing their homework and assignments.

This

Linking Words

will lead to improvement in their academics and

performance

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For example

Linking Words

students

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at The Educators

School

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study

subjects

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of their interest. In conclusion, to prevent poor

performance

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students

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school

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; it is necessary to remove non-academic

subjects

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because it prevents their

time

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and they enjoy studying interesting

subjects

Use synonyms

Submitted by durefishan4455 on Fri Nov 24 2023

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Coherence & Cohesion

Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure. Your essay shows an attempt at organizing ideas but lacks clear paragraphing and sometimes ideas within paragraphs are not logically connected. Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument and ensure each subsequent sentence relates directly to your topic sentence.

Coherence & Cohesion

Your essay includes an introduction and conclusion, but they could be more effective. Make sure the introduction clearly paraphrases the question and outlines your position, and the conclusion summarizes your arguments without introducing new information.

Coherence & Cohesion

While you have attempted to support your main points, the connections between ideas and the reasons why non-academic subjects should be removed are not fully expanded upon. Provide more detailed explanations and examples to substantiate your arguments clearly. Avoid overgeneralizations and unsupported claims.

Task Achievement

Make sure to respond completely to all parts of the task. You have communicated your position but need to develop your response further. Consider explaining the opposite viewpoint and why you disagree to show a fully developed response to the question. Ensure your ideas are relevant and provide specific examples to illustrate your points.

Task Achievement

The ideas presented in your essay are sometimes clear, but not comprehensive. Strive for depth in your response by exploring the implications of removing non-academic subjects. How does this benefit students in more detail, and what potential disadvantages might there be? Articulate these clearly to enhance your argument.

Task Achievement

You have provided an example from Pakistan to illustrate your point, which is good. However, aim to include a variety of specific examples from multiple contexts that support your argument effectively, and explain how these examples are relevant to the question.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

258 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some parents think that childcare centers provide the best services for children of preschool age. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents are better caregivers for their young children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is arguable that some proponents believe that domestic waste is not recycled properly and they want the government to take actions in order to encourage people to recycle more.

Formal examinations are the only effective way to assess a student’s performance. Continual assessment such as coursework and projects is not a satisfactory way to do this. Do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or exercise class. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development?