IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

In some cultures elderly people are highly valued, while in some other cultures youth are more valued. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#cultures #people #youth
In some customs, old individuals are greatly respected,
while
 in others, it is the youngsters. I have a balanced opinion. On the one hand, I concur with those who believe that elders should be revered in any tradition.
This
 is because they have much knowledge gained from living long lives
thus
 they are considered very wise. Owing to
this
, they would be able to offer better leadership as they guide communities towards prosperity. These experiences enable them to avoid mistakes usually made in youth
as a result
 of immaturity or little knowledge.
For instance
,
this
 is the reason why many countries elect old people as politicians to govern them and pass sensible laws to ensure stability.
On the other hand
, I am
also
 in accord with those who believe that youngsters should be treasured by communities. The reason is that they are an important source of labor since their young bodies are very energetic and strong
while
 their minds are an endless source of creativity.
This
 means they would be able to work for long hours
while
 supplying endless innovative solutions that solve current issues.
As a result
, they increase productivity
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 will eventually boost economies to ensure nations provide a good life for their citizens. In conclusion, I support the two viewpoints as both of them have merit.
While
 I believe that elders should be respected because they have knowledge that would ensure good leadership, I
also
 opine that young people should be revered since they are vital to a nation’s workforce.
Submitted by xueyinggao2023 on

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task achievement
The essay presents opinions on both sides of the discussed issue which is good for task achievement. However, the response would benefit from more development of each viewpoint with deeper exploration and clarification.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and cohesion are generally maintained with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, transitions between ideas could be smoother, and paragraphs focusing on each view could be better structured for higher clarity. Moreover, linking devices could be employed more effectively to create a more cohesive text.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • reverence
  • wisdom
  • life experience
  • integrate
  • respected
  • innovation
  • progress
  • energy
  • investment
  • harness
  • potential
  • advancement
  • tradition
  • guidance
  • navigated
  • merits
  • tradition
  • adaptability
  • forward-thinking
  • contributions
  • intergenerational
  • respect
  • synergistic
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