IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many Le Thanh Tong grade 11 students lack focus and drive. What is the causes for this? What do you do think is the most effective solution?

#thanh #tong #grade #students #lack #focus #drive
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Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
students
Use synonyms
 should do their
homework
Use synonyms
 individually.
Another
Replace the adjective
Other
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 believe that sometimes
homework
Use synonyms
 should be done with group mates. Most parents want , their
children
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 to be good
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 in their
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
. That's why they can create everything that
children
Use synonyms
 want.
For example
Linking Words
, sometimes if schoolchildren do their
homework
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 individually. They can get
highest
Change the article
the highest
show examples
 result. But mostly everything
depend
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depends
show examples
 on
person
Add an article
the person
a person
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 when that
Use synonyms
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
. Want to achieve
aim
Correct pronoun usage
their aim
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 they can solve everything
to
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apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 way. And
children
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 may learn something better, or spend time to study some subject. They can
spent
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spend
show examples
 time with
teacher
Correct article usage
the teacher
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 together. I can give you
example
Add an article
an example
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for
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apply
show examples
about
bed sides
Correct your spelling
bedsides
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 of
study
Wrong verb form
studying
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 or
do
Wrong verb form
doing
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homework
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 individually, they  cannot solve our problems without someone. Nowadays most
children
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students
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 and parents prefer
study
Add the particle
to study
show examples
 or work
with
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apply
show examples
in small
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
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 cause. When you
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
do something with
group
Add an article
the group
a group
show examples
, you can feel
yourself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
comfortably
Change the word
comfortable
show examples
. And if you have a problem with something
depend
Correct subject-verb agreement
depends
show examples
 on
subjects
Correct article usage
the subjects
show examples
 they can solve or teach you
with
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in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 way mostly,
people
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were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 sociable, they want conversation or to be with 
team
Correct article usage
a team
show examples
. That's why
children
Use synonyms
 should do their
homework
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 with
team mates
Correct your spelling
teammates
show examples
. And during the day their mood will be good and they can do their
homework
Use synonyms
 with high quality. And when they go somewhere they can
conversation
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converse
show examples
 with
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
people
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 who do not know ever they can get
acquint
Correct your spelling
acquaint
acquainted
 easily. The
students
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 can find
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
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 and they can feel
themselves
Remove the pronoun
apply
show examples
happy and good. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
students
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 should do
homework
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
small
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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. After
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 they can find
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 future
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 way and during their
life
Add a comma
life,
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 they do not have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
trouble
with communicate
Change preposition
communicating
show examples
 with someone. They can find
friend
Add an article
a friend
show examples
 and they can solve personal problems easily.
Submitted by bekzodeshonjonovv on

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coherence cohesion
There is a lack of clear logical structure in the essay, with ideas presented in a disorganized manner. The essay should have a clear introduction that states the topic and the writer's view, followed by body paragraphs that explore each opinion with clear topic sentences. A conclusion should summarize the main points and restate the writer’s stance.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. An effective essay should include an introductory paragraph that sets the tone and topic for the discussion, and a concluding paragraph that rounds off the essay, summarizing the main arguments put forth. Ensure that both elements are consistently present and clearly express the overall standpoint.
coherence cohesion
Main points are not effectively supported with relevant details or examples. The essay would benefit from providing clear arguments, followed by specific examples or explanations that substantiate those points, so that each idea is fully realized and convincing.
task achievement
The essay does not fully address the task. It is important to answer all parts of the question thoroughly. Ensure to explain the reasoning behind positions taken and link your ideas to the task question directly.
task achievement
Ideas are not communicated with clarity and comprehensiveness. Aim to express your thoughts in a more direct and clear manner, utilizing a variety of sentence structures for clarity and to more effectively convey nuances of meaning.
task achievement
The use of relevant and specific examples is lacking. These are necessary to illustrate your points and to demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic. Include real-life examples or hypothetical scenarios to emphasize and support your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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