IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#businesses #emphasise #products #development
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In recent days, most
of
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apply
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enterprises
try
Wrong verb form
have tried
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 to highlight
novelty
Correct article usage
the novelty
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 and originality of their
products
. It is
contentious
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a contentious
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 issue
that
Correct word choice
whether
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 it is
positive
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a positive
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 development or not. To answer
this
 argument, we need to figure out why businesses
in
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apply
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these days love to underscore their goods are new in some way. I believe there are two reasons that many businesses underline the new aspect of their goods. The first reason is that a slew of
consumers
is incline
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is inclined
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 to pursue new technology and eager to be ‘early-adaptors’. To appeal to these customers, producers should underscore how original and innovative their commodities are.
For example
, smartphone producers,
such
 as Samsung and Apple, always highlight in
advertisement
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advertisements
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 that their new technological advancement would distinguish from the former model. The other reason is that;
this
 is
traditional
Correct article usage
a traditional
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 advertisement tactic, proved to be the most effective way to attract
consumers
 and skyrocket the profit.
According to
the
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apply
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various studies,
company
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the company
a company
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 can easily exaggerate slight improvement of
product
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a product
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 to innovative novelty; and it is
most
Correct article usage
the most
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 cost-effective strategy to inflate profits. I believe
this
 trend has positive effects
for
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on
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 producers and
consumers
.
First,
it can be advantageous to
company’s
Correct article usage
a company’s
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 development by invigorating the investment for producing new
products
. The novelty of
products
 can be in many ways
such
 as technology, and design. Many businesses who want to emphasize innovation of their
products
, should consistently pursue the development of their product. In
long-term
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the long-term
a long-term
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 view,
company
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the company
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 will obtain the virtuous circle of developing
quality
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the quality
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of
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apply
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products
 and increasing sales of
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the product
a product
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product
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products
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.
In addition
, it is
also
 profitable to the most of the
consumers
. By watching
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
, customers can easily figure out and focus on what is the differences between former goods; it helps
consumers
 make prudent and reasonable choices.
Submitted by sewon0924 on

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Introduction and Conclusion
Work on creating a more engaging and comprehensive introduction and conclusion. Your essay should begin with a clear statement related to the prompt and end with a succinct conclusion that summarizes your points and clearly states your viewpoint on the development.
Logical Structure
Ensure logical sequencing of ideas and use cohesive devices appropriately to improve the essay flow. While some logical structure is present, greater clarity and more deliberate use of linking words could strengthen the overall cohesion.
Supported Main Points
Develop your main points with more detailed support and specific examples. While you provided general examples and explanations, incorporating more detailed and relevant instances can enhance the depth of your arguments.
Development of Ideas
Expand and clarify your ideas to completely address the prompt. While your essay touches upon the reasons for emphasizing product novelty, make sure to explore the implications of this trend in depth and relate it back to the discussion on whether it is positive or negative. Be clear and comprehensive in your response.
Specific Examples
Use specific examples to illustrate your points effectively. Generic examples have less impact than those that are precise and well-explained. Aim to include at least one detailed example per main point.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • emphasise
  • advertising
  • products
  • innovation
  • competitive strategy
  • consumer dissatisfaction
  • value
What to do next:
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