The best way to reduce the number of traffic accidents is to raise the age limit for younger drivers and to lower the age limit for aged drivers. Do you agree ?
To reduce the number of traffic accidents
Correct pronoun usage
that happened
happened
, it is better to raise the minimum Wrong verb form
happen
age
for young drivers
and lower the maximum age
for old drivers
. I totally agree with this
statement as for adolescents to drive
can be dangerous due to
their reckless behaviours and for seniors due to
their ability to Change preposition
apply
drive
have
dropped.
Adolescents can Correct subject-verb agreement
has
involve
in many traffic accidents Wrong verb form
be involved
due to
their irresponsible and reckless behaviours. Moreover
, they are going through hormonal changes which cause them to act recklessly which cause
them to act without the consequences. Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
This
is the reason why it is not safe for them to be a driver at the
young Correct article usage
a
age
. For example
, in Northland, lot
of car crashes Correct article usage
a lot
happened
Wrong verb form
happen
due to
minor drivers
are
driving in Unnecessary verb
apply
drunken
state. Add an article
a drunken
This
shows how their irresponsible behaviours can endangered
not only themselves but Change the verb form
endanger
also
others.
On the other hand
, for senior drivers
they are going through some problem in their ability to Add a comma
drivers,
drive
. This
might due
to their increased Add a missing verb
be due
age
which cause
Change the verb form
causes
majority
of them to have slower performance and Add an article
the majority
tendency
to make mistakes. For Correct article usage
a tendency
instances
, in Japan, majority of the car crashes are caused by older people Fix the agreement mistake
instance
and
mostly because they Correct word choice
apply
just
simply step on the wrong pedal. Rephrase
apply
Thus
, this
will further
support that the age
limit for older people should be reduced as they are not performing as well as
when they were younger.
In conclusion, to reduce accidents on road
it is better to increase Correct article usage
the road
age
limits for younger
Add an article
the younger
a younger
driver
as it will reduce irresponsible young Fix the agreement mistake
drivers
drivers
and to decrease age
limits for older drivers
as their ability to drive
also
have
dropped along Unnecessary verb
apply
the
increase of their Change preposition
with the
age
.Submitted by lavenia34808 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and logical connectors. The essay demonstrates some logical structure but can be improved by better linking ideas for smooth transitions.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of linking words and ensure paragraphs are well-structured, with clear topic sentences that lead the reader through the argument or narrative.
coherence cohesion
Each main point should be supported with specific examples or evidence. While this was done to an extent, you could improve by providing a wider range of examples and ensuring they are directly relevant to the point you are making.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task not only in terms of the prompt, but also in extending the discussion to cover relevant implications, comparisons, and contrasts. The response was somewhat complete but lacked depth and development in places.
task achievement
Develop your ideas fully to form a clear, comprehensive response. Aim for a deeper and more nuanced exploration of the topic, evaluating the implications and discussing various perspectives.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant but you could enhance your essay by using more specific, detailed illustrations. Try to incorporate real-life statistics, studies, or reports to substantiate your points.