IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The best way to reduce the number of traffic accidents is to raise the age limit for younger drivers and to lower the age limit for aged drivers. Do you agree ?

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To reduce the number of traffic accidents
Correct pronoun usage
that happened
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happened
Wrong verb form
happen
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, it is better to raise the minimum
age
Use synonyms
 for young
drivers
Use synonyms
 and lower the maximum
age
Use synonyms
 for old
drivers
Use synonyms
. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement as for adolescents to
drive
Use synonyms
 can be dangerous
due to
Linking Words
 their reckless behaviours and for seniors
Linking Words
due to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their ability to
drive
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 dropped. Adolescents can
involve
Wrong verb form
be involved
show examples
 in many traffic accidents
due to
Linking Words
 their irresponsible and reckless behaviours.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they are going through hormonal changes which cause them to act recklessly which
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 them to act without the consequences.
This
Linking Words
 is the reason why it is not safe for them to be a driver at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 young
age
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, in Northland,
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
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 of car crashes
happened
Wrong verb form
happen
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 minor
drivers
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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driving in
drunken
Add an article
a drunken
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 state.
This
Linking Words
 shows how their irresponsible behaviours can
endangered
Change the verb form
endanger
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 not only themselves but
also
Linking Words
 others.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, for senior
Use synonyms
drivers
Add a comma
drivers,
show examples
 they are going through some problem in their ability to
drive
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 might
Linking Words
due
Add a missing verb
be due
show examples
 to their increased
age
Use synonyms
 which
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
majority
Add an article
the majority
show examples
 of them to have slower performance and
tendency
Correct article usage
a tendency
show examples
 to make mistakes. For
instances
Fix the agreement mistake
instance
show examples
, in Japan, majority of the car crashes are caused by older people
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
mostly because they
just
Rephrase
apply
show examples
simply step on the wrong pedal.
Thus
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 will
further
Linking Words
 support that the
age
Use synonyms
 limit for older people should be reduced as they are not performing
as well as
Linking Words
 when they were younger. In conclusion, to reduce accidents on
road
Correct article usage
the road
show examples
 it is better to increase
age
Use synonyms
 limits for
younger
Add an article
the younger
a younger
show examples
driver
Fix the agreement mistake
drivers
show examples
 as it will reduce irresponsible young
drivers
Use synonyms
 and to decrease
age
Use synonyms
 limits for older
drivers
Use synonyms
 as their ability to
drive
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
dropped along
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
 increase of their
age
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and logical connectors. The essay demonstrates some logical structure but can be improved by better linking ideas for smooth transitions.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of linking words and ensure paragraphs are well-structured, with clear topic sentences that lead the reader through the argument or narrative.
coherence cohesion
Each main point should be supported with specific examples or evidence. While this was done to an extent, you could improve by providing a wider range of examples and ensuring they are directly relevant to the point you are making.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task not only in terms of the prompt, but also in extending the discussion to cover relevant implications, comparisons, and contrasts. The response was somewhat complete but lacked depth and development in places.
task achievement
Develop your ideas fully to form a clear, comprehensive response. Aim for a deeper and more nuanced exploration of the topic, evaluating the implications and discussing various perspectives.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant but you could enhance your essay by using more specific, detailed illustrations. Try to incorporate real-life statistics, studies, or reports to substantiate your points.
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