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Band 2

The picture below shows the production technique of red wine. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features.

#picture #production #technique #wine #information #features
The diagram illustrates how red wine is produced.
Overall
, the process comprises a number of stages, starting with harvesting grapes, through different mixing steps, and ending with
Correct article usage
the finish
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finish
Replace the word
finished
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 products being bottled.
In
Change the preposition
At
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 the beginning of the process, grapes harvested are kept in
anaerobic
Add an article
the anaerobic
an anaerobic
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 environment
within
Change preposition
for
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 from 2 to 3 weeks, after which it is delivered to
grinder
Add an article
the grinder
a grinder
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.
Subsequently
, grapes crushed are fermented with skin, before freeing
juice
. At
which
Correct pronoun usage
this
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 point,
remainal
Correct word choice
the remaining
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 skins and stems are drained after pressing to free
juice
. The process continues with
juice
 without
skin
Add an article
the skin
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is
Wrong verb form
being
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 fermented again in pot ale, before
was
Replace the word
being
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 purified by
filter
Add an article
the filter
a filter
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 in order to select pure
juice
. After pure
juice
 is stored in
oaken
Correct article usage
an oaken
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 cask
within
Change preposition
for
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 from 6 to 24 months, it is adjusted
taste
Fix the infinitive
to taste
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such
 as adding acid or sugar to ensure that
taste
Correct subject-verb agreement
tastes
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 appropriate with customers.
Finally
,
finish
Replace the word
finished
show examples
 products are bottled and added
seal
Add an article
a seal
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 to preserve
Correct pronoun usage
them in
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in
Change preposition
for
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 a long time and provide
detail
Replace the word
detailed
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informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
.
Submitted by phuongdong.nguyentran on

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coherence cohesion
You have provided a basic outline of the red wine production process, which is a good start. However, there is a need for more clear and logical flow of information throughout the essay. The introduction and conclusion are present but could be strengthened. Consider using a range of cohesive devices to better link your ideas and improve readability.
task achievement
Your response largely covers the task requirements, but lacks precision and clarity in conveying comprehensive ideas. Some examples and details relevant to the process stages are missing, which would make your explanation more thorough. Pay attention to providing a full, detailed account of each step in the process, ensuring the response is rounded and complete. It is also important to use a more varied vocabulary and accurate grammar when describing processes.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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