IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

you work in an internation company and want to request some time off to attend a family event. Ask for timer off Describe the event say how you will make up the timer missed

#work #internation #company #request #time #event #timer
Dear Manager, I am working as a junior accountant in the finance department of our corporation. I am writing
this
 email to obtain permission for leave, starting 1St December, to attend my brother's marriage. I am aware that the time requested is a little more than the usual days authorized by the company's policy for family engagements.
However
, the wedding is of my younger brother and is being solemnized in another city. I necessitate more time for arrangements for the events as the marriage involves several rituals to be completed over the period of five days. I have already completed the accounts for December and have completed all my work-related commitments for the present month, my absence will not hinder work without claiming any overtime bonuses. I hope you will accede to my request for the special circumstances and I would be grateful if you may grant me leave. Regards, Aakansah Tiwari
Submitted by t.akanksha.mba on

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coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion which are necessary for this task. You should start with a brief introduction stating the purpose of your request and end with a conclusion that summarises your main points and states what action you hope for from the manager.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are somewhat supported, but try to provide clearer and more detailed explanations or examples. Stick closely to the task requirements. For example, you should elaborate on how you will make up for the time missed - something that was asked in the question prompt but wasn't addressed sufficiently in your essay.
task achievement
To achieve better task achievement, ensure that you address all parts of the prompt in a clear and comprehensive manner. In this essay, the description of the event and how you will make up for the time missed should be expanded upon for complete task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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