IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

City living 21st century is stressful and offers no advantages. Do you agree or disagree?

#city #st #century
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It is argued that nowadays
people
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 who live in big
cities
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 experience a lot of stress and do not have any benefits. I completely disagree with
this
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 statement
,
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apply
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 and believe that
life
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 in the big
city
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 provides them with many opportunities. One of the major reasons why there are so many options available to
people
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 is the fact that
city
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 living provides numerous variations for employment, as
cities
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 are often hubs for jobs across different industries. The amount of
jobs
Change the noun form
job
show examples
 options
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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seems to be endless on recruiting websites, which usually offer a wide range of positions,
such
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 as programmers, designers, engineers,
doctors
Correct word choice
and doctors
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. As
the
Correct article usage
a
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 result,
people
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 there don't have any issues
at
Change preposition
with
show examples
 finding a job, which is suitable to their interests, skills and knowledge.
For instance
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, in
Russia
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Russia,
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people
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 from small towns try to move to Moscow
,
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apply
show examples
 because
this
Linking Words
city
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 has the lowest
procentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of unemployment and provides higher salaries.
Futhermore
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Furthermore
,
cities
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 offer convenient access to amenities
such
Linking Words
 as shops, hospitals and entertainment venues.
This
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 aspect can
imrove
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improve
 the quality of
life
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 there. Local
people
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 don't have to think
where
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about where
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 to spend their weekends.
On the other hand
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, the pace of
life
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 in
cities
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 can be stressful
due to
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 traffic congestion, noise pollution, and
fast-paced
Correct article usage
a fast-paced
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 lifestyle can lead to burnout.
This
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 is
due to
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 the
big
Correct word choice
large
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 population, long distances and a high number of transport vehicles.
As a consequence
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,
people
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 in
cities
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 are more likely to
gain
Verb problem
have
show examples
 mental issues.
A recent
Remove the article
Recent
show examples
 scientific research
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 Howard University says, that
people
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 in
Tokio
Correct your spelling
Tokyo
 have a high
enxiety
Correct your spelling
anxiety
 level, which could be the reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 an
inreased
Correct your spelling
increased
 number of suicides there. In conclusion, even though living in the
city
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 sometimes can be tough,
it is clear that
Linking Words
life
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 there provides
people
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 with a greater number of
opportunitities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
. In my opinion, it is worth
to be
Change the verb form
being
show examples
 a citizen, who can choose from many options, which undoubtedly can be found in the
city
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by t-staro on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main topic and all sentences within each paragraph are relevant to it.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and transition words to enhance the flow of the essay.
task achievement
Try not to repeat the same ideas; instead, provide diversified reasoning and multiple dimensions to the argument.
task achievement
Back up your main points with more specific, diverse examples to strengthen the argument.
task achievement
Address potential counterarguments to provide a more balanced view and to show the ability to evaluate contrasting perspectives.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • employment hubs
  • convenient access
  • amenities
  • cultural diversity
  • personal growth
  • fast-paced lifestyle
  • burnout
  • cost of living
  • financial strain
  • social problems
  • traffic congestion
  • noise pollution
  • overcrowding
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