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in some countries children are often told that can achieve anything if they try hhard enough what are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message

#countries #children #hhard #message
In the modern era, it is absolutely necessary to motivate the youth and
giving
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
 them
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right way to achieve their goals.
Nevertheless
, a coin always has two sides and when their dreams are unsurmountable, the consequences may deteriorate
children
's mental health, which I am going to explain
further
. First and foremost, in the contemporary era, many young people are suffering from
unconfidetial
Correct your spelling
unconfidential
 behaviour in all spheres of life.
There
Correct pronoun usage
It
show examples
 is obligatory to say to
children
 that borders are only in their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
, which sometimes have been built by themselves. Naturally,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 fear
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
compete
Replace the word
competition
show examples
 has been taken away and the best of the best have been
borned
Correct your spelling
born
. A good example of
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 is Michael Phelps, who is the best swimmer in the whole world nowadays. Having said that, self-confidence can lead to harmful consequences in the youth communities.
Firstly
, the dreams or goals have to be achievable.
Unfortunatelly
Correct your spelling
Unfortunately
, for the time being, parents sometimes demand from
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 impossible results in
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 or school. Undoubtedly, when
children
's mental and physical health are under
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pressure, it may simply be broken. To be more precise, nowadays the WHO gives regulations
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
children
 have to be
threated
Correct your spelling
treated
.
In other words
, the amount of workload,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is safe for different groups of the young population. In conclusion,
to motivate
Change the verb form
motivating
show examples
 young people and
give
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
 them
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right way
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how to reach their
destinanion
Correct your spelling
destination
 is a huge benefit.
However
, it needs to be balanced which goals are achievable and which are not. Only in
this
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
 the advantages would
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
show examples
.
Submitted by roker123456 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure logical sequencing of ideas throughout the essay. The structure should clearly reflect the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion with a noticeable progression of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance the clarity and flow of your essay. Overreliance on basic connectors, or incorrect use, can make the text feel disjointed.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task and provide a clear position on the topic throughout the essay. While you've attempted to do this, there could be a more explicit and consistent statement of your viewpoint.
task achievement
Develop your main ideas more thoroughly by providing more detailed and pertinent examples. While some examples are given, they could be more robust and directly related to the claims being made.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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