IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#businesses #emphasise #products #development
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Advertising is always an important thing when it comes to business. These days, the
product
 that a
company
 will be selling is emphasized as a newly made
product
. By mentioning a
product
 as a newly made
product
,
people
 will start to
curious
Add a missing verb
be curious
show examples
 and put their attention to the
product
 which could lead
profit
Fix the infinitive
to profit
show examples
 for the
company
.
However
, I believe that using
this
 trend as
company’s
Correct article usage
a company’s
show examples
 trick to promote their new
product
 could lead to a negative trend. The
company
 might
labels
Change the verb form
label
show examples
 their
product
 as the first in everything but in fact, it is just an upgrade to their old
product
 with minimal changes. Take
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 example of Apple with their famous iPhone. Many
people
 always anticipating the release of
this
 brand’s
product
 which
also
happenend
Correct your spelling
happened
 in 2022. Many accounts started to post the possible design and features of the anticipated Apple device. Sadly, after the yearly presentation held by the
company
 in 2022,
people
 started to react negatively to the soon-to-be release of the iPhone 14.
This
 reaction is
due to
 the minimal update of the phone from their previous version.
This
 shows that the
company
labeling
Wrong verb form
labels
show examples
 their creation as a fresh
product
 but in
reality
Add a comma
reality,
show examples
 there is not any
innoviation
Correct your spelling
innovation
 at all.
Moreover
,
this
 fact does not change the
enthuasism
Correct your spelling
enthusiasm
 for some
people
. There will be consumer who will spend their money on it which leads to consumerism on items
that is
 unnecessary to buy.
This
 will
creates
Change the verb form
create
show examples
 an excessive amount of trash which lead to
enviromental
Correct your spelling
environmental
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
. In conclusion,
this
 behaviour may lead to negative outcomes for customer being consumptive of
product
that is
 not
cleary
Correct your spelling
clearly
show examples
 a breakthrough.
Submitted by buttercookies28 on

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introduction
The essay requires a clearer introduction that outlines the discussion ahead. It is important to give your reader a clear indication of what they will read about.
coherence
Be mindful of paragraphing and structure. While the essay has distinct sections, transitions between ideas can be smoother.
conclusion
The conclusion needs to be strengthened by summarizing the arguments more effectively and restating your viewpoint.
examples
Provide more concrete examples to support your points. Detailed instances add weight to your arguments and make them more persuasive.
relevance
There were instances where the essay deviated from the focus of the question and further elaboration or explanation of points was needed. Ensure every point directly contributes to the argument.
grammar
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and work on proper sentence construction for enhanced clarity and expression of ideas.
development
Develop your ideas more fully. Each paragraph should contain one clear main idea with supporting details and explanations.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • emphasise
  • advertising
  • products
  • innovation
  • competitive strategy
  • consumer dissatisfaction
  • value
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