Some parents think it is good to give their children mobile phones while others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Many
parents
argue that
children
can have mobile
phones
,
while
others believe they cannot.
This
essay will discuss both views and give the writer’s opinion.
To begin
with,
parents
believe that
children
should be allowed to have a mobile
phone
. Because it can be used as a communication tool when they are not around.
In addition
, a mobile
phone
/
smart
Correct your spelling
smartphone
show examples
phone
plays
crucial
Correct article usage
a crucial
show examples
rules
Correct your spelling
role
show examples
to support
Change preposition
in supporting
show examples
children
’s education in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school.
For instance
, a lot of schools
use
Google Classroom as one of their
studies
Change the noun form
study
show examples
methods. They
use
it to share study materials and collect students’ homework.
Moreover
, a smartphone offers
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
useful
Change preposition
of useful
show examples
applications,
such
as language application that can help
children
to learn about foreign languages and online
transports application
Fix the agreement mistake
transport applications
show examples
which makes it easier to travel to their school.
Thus
, allowing
children
to have a mobile
phone
gives a lot of benefits.
On the other hand
, despite the mentioned benefits,
parents
think that
children
should be banned
to
Change preposition
from using
show examples
use
a smartphone. The main reason is because it can be addictive to them.
For example
,
children
will
use
the mobile
phone
all day without having rest.
This
can lead to negative health problems,
such
as
eyesore
Fix the agreement mistake
eyesores
show examples
,
backpain
Correct your spelling
back pain
show examples
, etc.
Furthermore
,
smart
Correct your spelling
smartphones- with
phones
-with the support of the internet- give
children
access to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information that
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
not for them.
For instance
, adult
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
and gambling sites
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will suddenly pop up
while
they are opening websites.
Thus
,
parents
have to monitor their
children
when using mobile
phones
. In conclusion, I believe that mobile
phones
should be given to
children
.
Because
Correct word choice
Phones
show examples
phones
give several advantages,
such
as for communication, study, and transportation tools.
However
, the usage of mobile
phones
for
children
should be limited because it can lead to several health problems and there are a lot of contents that are not suitable for
children
.
Submitted by jxnxy01 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introductory paragraph clearly addresses the task prompt by stating both sides of the argument and indicating what your subsequent discussion will entail.
coherence cohesion
Create clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly correspond to your overall thesis, ensuring that these sentences guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Include an explicit thesis statement in your introduction that makes your personal stance clear, and reinforce this stance in the conclusion with a brief summary of your main points.
task achievement
Expand the conclusion to not only restate your opinion but also to synthesize the arguments discussed, leaving the reader with a clear understanding of your perspective on the issue.
task achievement
When presenting arguments, ensure that you include specific examples to support each point. Additionally, you should explain how these examples relate to the topic and contribute to your overall argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: