Some parents think it is good to give their children mobile phones while others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#parents #children #phones

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Many

parents

argue that

children

can have mobile

phones

while

others believe they cannot.

This

essay will discuss both views and give the writer’s opinion.

To begin

with,

parents

believe that

children

should be allowed to have a mobile

phone

. Because it can be used as a communication tool when they are not around.

In addition

, a mobile

phone

smart

Correct your spelling

smartphone

show examples

phone

plays

crucial

Correct article usage

a crucial

show examples

rules

Correct your spelling

role

show examples

to support

Change preposition

in supporting

show examples

children

’s education in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

school.

For instance

, a lot of schools

use

Google Classroom as one of their

studies

Change the noun form

study

show examples

methods. They

use

it to share study materials and collect students’ homework.

Moreover

, a smartphone offers

variety

Correct article usage

a variety

show examples

useful

Change preposition

of useful

show examples

applications,

such

as language application that can help

children

to learn about foreign languages and online

transports application

Fix the agreement mistake

transport applications

show examples

which makes it easier to travel to their school.

Thus

, allowing

children

to have a mobile

phone

gives a lot of benefits.

On the other hand

, despite the mentioned benefits,

parents

think that

children

should be banned

Change preposition

from using

show examples

use

a smartphone. The main reason is because it can be addictive to them.

For example

children

will

use

the mobile

phone

all day without having rest.

This

can lead to negative health problems,

such

eyesore

Fix the agreement mistake

eyesores

show examples

backpain

Correct your spelling

back pain

show examples

, etc.

Furthermore

smart

Correct your spelling

smartphones- with

phones

-with the support of the internet- give

children

access to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

information that

are

Change the verb form

show examples

not for them.

For instance

, adult

contents

Fix the agreement mistake

content

show examples

and gambling sites

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

will suddenly pop up

while

they are opening websites.

Thus

parents

have to monitor their

children

when using mobile

phones

. In conclusion, I believe that mobile

phones

should be given to

children

Because

Correct word choice

Phones

show examples

phones

give several advantages,

such

as for communication, study, and transportation tools.

However

, the usage of mobile

phones

for

children

should be limited because it can lead to several health problems and there are a lot of contents that are not suitable for

children

Submitted by jxnxy01 on Sat Nov 25 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that the introductory paragraph clearly addresses the task prompt by stating both sides of the argument and indicating what your subsequent discussion will entail.

coherence cohesion

Create clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly correspond to your overall thesis, ensuring that these sentences guide the reader through your argument.

task achievement

Include an explicit thesis statement in your introduction that makes your personal stance clear, and reinforce this stance in the conclusion with a brief summary of your main points.

task achievement

Expand the conclusion to not only restate your opinion but also to synthesize the arguments discussed, leaving the reader with a clear understanding of your perspective on the issue.

task achievement

When presenting arguments, ensure that you include specific examples to support each point. Additionally, you should explain how these examples relate to the topic and contribute to your overall argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

301 words

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Some parents think it is good to give their children mobile phones while others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Your opinion

The best way to reduce poverty in developing countries is by giving up to six years of free education, so that they can at least read, write and use numbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Governments should spend more money on education than on recreation and sports. Do you agree or disagree?

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Some people believe that it is important to give gifts to friends and family to show that we care about them. Others think that there are better ways to show that we care. Discuss both views and give your opinion ?

Some people believe that cell phones should be for personal use only; others,  however, feel cell phones should be used mostly for work.    Discuss both views and give your own opinion.