IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people prefer to provide help and support directly to those in need. Others however prefer to give money to national and international charitable organisations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #support #money #organisations
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The debate over how
people
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 should help others in need is ongoing, with some viewing them merely as
people
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 should donate to national and international charities,
while
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 others argue that it is better to give help and support directly to those in need. Both perspectives have valid points and understanding these viewpoints is crucial in forming a balanced opinion. Initiating with the points supporting the first school of thought,
firstly
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, supporting
people
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 in need in a direct
way
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 is more effective. The
people
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 who support
this
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 say that
,
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apply
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 it can prevent charities from stealing and using money donated in an appropriate
way
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.
For example
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, there was an incident where a major charitable organisation had used donations personally not sending them to
people
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 suffering from poverty and lack of water.
Thus
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 directly helping them would be a significant method to prevent these crimes.
Also
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, donors can bond with
people
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 they helped and make relationships by sending what they made or letters.
People
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 who actually became friends with
people
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 they donated to were proud of themselves and were touched when they received things back. On the contrasting side,
people
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 who hold another viewpoint say that charities can use money more effectively to help others.
People
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 having a hard time
due to
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 a lack of resources like medication and water have a high possibility of being unable to get an education.
Therefore
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 they would be innocent in knowing ways how to protect themselves and improve their life quality.
In addition
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, many
people
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 give money to charitable organisations as it is more trustworthy than other methods. In my opinion, the most effective
way
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 to help
people
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 in need is supporting them directly rather than donating to the charity as bonding with them can influence donors in a positive
way
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 and is clear to see how they are affected by the donation.
Submitted by wjddbs2206 on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples or case studies to strengthen your points. This can help make your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main point and that these points are logically connected. Avoid introducing new ideas in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Refine your introduction and conclusion so that they clearly outline the scope of your essay and provide a concise summary of your arguments.
task achievement
You have addressed both viewpoints and provided your own opinion, which is essential for a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
Your writing shows a good command of the English language and the ideas are relatively clear.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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