IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#aim #science #people’s #lives
Nowadays many people believe that the essential work for scientists is to enhance human beings'
lives
. which is, I totally agree with
this
 statement. In
this
 essay, I will not only agree with
this
 point, But I will give the reasons behind my agreement. First and foremost, Scientists play a significant role in improving community
lives
. They can contribute through their inventions in several fields.
such
 as, In technology, medical fields, and other domains. In medicines. They have created a medical revolution when they invented the antibiotics.
Whereas
, it saved several human
lives
 from infectious diseases. Before
this
 treatment, many people died from these infectious diseases.
Also
, through the COVID-19 Pandemic
science
Replace the word
scientists
show examples
 were busy working day and night to find a vaccine to curb the virus. Second of all, They have a huge impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 solving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
environmental problems. with the help of science discoveries.
For example
, Combat climate change.
Hence
, They working to reduce the level of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere, To decrease air pollution. As it causes many respiratory diseases.
As well as
 they trying to discover new ways to prevent the extinction of some species.
For instance
, the panda bear was close to becoming extinct.
Hence
, they were keen to continue the mating process to keep
this
 type of bear from disappearing. In conclusion, There is no doubt that scientific achievement plays a fundamental role in enhancing our
lives
 in various domains.
For
this
 reason, they must be keen to use their knowledge and their inventions to improve human
lives
.
Submitted by nana0072008 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Your essay should clearly present the argument, followed by coherent paragraphs that develop and support your main points systematically.
coherence cohesion
Use cohesive devices appropriately to link ideas, sentences, and paragraphs. Overuse or incorrect use of conjunctions and transition phrases can make your essay less coherent. Employ a variety of these devices to guide readers through your argument effectively.
task achievement
Your essay fulfills the basic requirements of the task but can benefit from a more precise and nuanced argument. Additionally, the ideation should be more thoroughly developed, with a focus on depth rather than breadth of discussion.
task achievement
Provide more detailed and specific examples to support your claims. The examples given are somewhat general and could be enhanced by including specific data, research findings, or concrete case studies to illustrate your points.
task achievement
Work on paraphrasing the task and ensure that your position is clear throughout the essay. You should restate your main argument in different words in the conclusion to reinforce your viewpoint to the reader.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • enhancing
  • quality of human life
  • advancements
  • medicine
  • healthcare
  • scientific research
  • solving societal problems
  • improving living standards
  • global issues
  • climate change
  • food scarcity
  • technological advancements
  • limitations
  • negative consequences
  • ethical considerations
  • sustainability
  • environmental preservation
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