It is often said that retirement is the happiest time of one's life. How far do you agree or disagree with this view ?
Many
people
argue that retirement is the happiest time
in the entire of somebody's life
because we are not supposed to work anymore and able
to spend more Add a missing verb
be able
time
with loved ones. However
, I do not support the same argument because measuring someone's happiness
is bias
, Wrong verb form
biased
subjective
and can have very different Correct word choice
and subjective
meaning
to one another.
For each Fix the agreement mistake
meanings
people
, Fix the agreement mistake
person
happiness
almost have entire
different meaning and it depends on Change the adjective
entirely
ones'
Change noun form
one's
personalities
and personal Fix the agreement mistake
personality
backgrounds
. For some Fix the agreement mistake
background
people
, having abundance
Correct article usage
an abundance
wealth
and being rich are often said can be the happiest moment of all Change preposition
of wealth
time
because we can afford and buy things that some people
may not have. On the contrary
, spending more time
with family members even they
Correct word choice
if they
are
lack Unnecessary verb
apply
of
money possession Change preposition
apply
also
can be the happiest time
of somebody's life
. From two
Correct article usage
the two
forementioned
examples, Correct your spelling
aforementioned
it is clear that
the definition of happiness
is not the same for each people
.
It is true, Fix the agreement mistake
person
for
some elders who spent their decades working might enjoy Change preposition
that
the
retirement because they feel having enough Correct article usage
apply
saving
and Fix the agreement mistake
savings
healthy
body for the rest of their Correct article usage
a healthy
life
until death. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
However
, for
many Change preposition
apply
people
are not in the same situation as previous
case. They may have Change the article
the previous
hardship
and difficult moments so Fix the agreement mistake
hardships
that
they have to spend more years Correct word choice
apply
to work
even Change the verb form
working
it
is Correct word choice
if it
time
for them to retire. People
in underdeveloped countries, for instance
, cannot entirely enjoy their retirement days because there is family
at home to Correct article usage
a family
be
feed and they have to keep working each day. Despite the case, they still can be the happiest person Unnecessary verb
apply
due to
the reason they live for the sake of loved ones.
In conclusion, happiness
is quite difficult to measure let alone measuring which moment in someone's life
can be the happiest time
. It is varying on
each Wrong verb form
varies for
people
, and Fix the agreement mistake
person
depending
on their personalities and Wrong verb form
depends
life
backgrounds.Submitted by pedrothedawn on
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task achievement
Expand upon your main points with more developed and specific examples to better support your argument. Including anecdotes or citing studies would make your essay more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Creative use of a broader vocabulary and varied sentence structures would improve the readability and sophistication of your essay.
task achievement
Ensure that your main ideas are not only clear but are also fully elaborated to give your essay greater depth and clarity.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure is generally good, but work to create smoother transitions between ideas. Phrases that clearly signal your progression from one idea to the next would aid in coherence.
coherence cohesion
Always proofread your essay to avoid grammatical errors. Even minor errors can distract from the overall quality and reduce the professionalism of your writing.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite