IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In Some Countries An Increasing Number Of People Are Suffering From Health Problems As A Result Of Eating Too Much Fast Food

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A large number of
people
Use synonyms
 had
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
eaten simple
food
Use synonyms
 in the past,
however
Linking Words
, they remained healthy.
Thence
Correct your spelling
Since
show examples
, the introduction of
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 many
people
Use synonyms
are liked
Wrong verb form
like
show examples
 to eat. Now It has been eating
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 and they are facing issues regarding health. They
perfer
Correct your spelling
prefer
 to eat instant
food
Use synonyms
 because it is easier for them.
This
Linking Words
 essay will elaborate
further
Linking Words
 in the following paragraphs. In the contemporary world,
especially
Rephrase
apply
show examples
Change preposition
in foreign
show examples
foreign
Change preposition
in foreign
show examples
 nations are
loved
Wrong verb form
love
show examples
 to eat processed
food
Use synonyms
 because they think that it helps to cook early.
Besides
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
,
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 is easy to cook and
time
Correct article usage
a time
show examples
 saver. Technology has become dull to
people
Use synonyms
 so they do not want to make
food
Use synonyms
 at home. It
also
Linking Words
 develops new applications to order instant
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
 at
anytime
Replace the word
any time
show examples
.
Linking Words
Although
Change preposition
Despite
show examples
, the dangerous effects
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
body
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 not aware of it. Many
people
Use synonyms
 are affected
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
this
Linking Words
 contaminated
food
Use synonyms
 and
became
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 sick.
According to
Linking Words
study
Correct article usage
a study
show examples
junk
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
 leads
Change preposition
to obsiety
show examples
obsiety
Correct your spelling
obesity
, cardiovascular and diabetes and
people
Use synonyms
 are suffering from these problems.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it can make weak your brain and non-functional. Eating too much instant
food
Use synonyms
 affects you
physical
Change the word
physically
show examples
 and mentally.
Moreover
Linking Words
, these saturated
Use synonyms
food
Fix the agreement mistake
foods
show examples
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
consume
Use synonyms
body's
Correct article usage
the body's
show examples
 energy and deserts
also
Linking Words
 decay in the teeth. The soil erosion
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 cutting down plants for many fast
food
Use synonyms
 industries
also
Linking Words
 leads
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
show examples
 of paper and waste production for packaging purposes.
Consequently
Linking Words
, fast
food
Use synonyms
 is not only disturbing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humanity but
also
Linking Words
affect on
Wrong verb form
affecting
show examples
 the environment.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, if pupils reduce fast
food
Use synonyms
 they can remain active and fit. Some changes can apply
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 eating
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
 with
nutritious
Add an article
a nutritious
show examples
 diet. The small plate with
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of nutrition diet can help to consume
vitaminls
Correct your spelling
vitamins
, minerals and fibres which
need
Wrong verb form
are needed
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 your
body
Use synonyms
. Eating
whole grain
Add a hyphen
whole-grain
show examples
 foods
such
Linking Words
 as whole-wheat bread will help you avoid processed grains high in empty carbohydrates. Switch to
fat free
Add a hyphen
fat-free
show examples
 or
low fat
Add a hyphen
low-fat
show examples
 milk contains the same amount of calcium. Drink water
instead
Linking Words
 of frizzy drinks which
harmful
Add a missing verb
are harmful
show examples
your
Change preposition
to your
show examples
body
Use synonyms
 try to add lemon
slice
Fix the agreement mistake
slices
show examples
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the water. These steps are being followed by
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
 diet. In a nutshell,
due to
Linking Words
rapid
Correct article usage
the rapid
show examples
 increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 eating fast
food
Use synonyms
 a large number of folks are becoming ill because they are not aware of
harmful
Correct article usage
the harmful
show examples
 effects of fatty foods. If they
discourge
Correct your spelling
discourage
these
Change the determiner
this food
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 so they will get healthy life.

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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has issues with logical structure, as the argument is not consistently developed throughout the essay. Ideas should be presented in a more organized manner, with clear transitions between points.
Coherence and Cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present, their quality could be enhanced by clearly stating the topic and summarizing the main points more effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Main points are loosely supported, and could benefit from stronger evidence and more detailed examples. Be sure to expand on key ideas with specific information and analysis.
Task Achievement
While the essay addresses the topic, the response could be more complete by fully answering all parts of the question with a more thorough exploration of the causes and consequences of eating fast food.
Task Achievement
The overall clarity of ideas can be improved by working on the essay's structure and making sure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is expanded upon. Use precise language and logical reasoning.
Task Achievement
Use more relevant and specific examples to reinforce your arguments. These examples should directly support the point you are trying to make and be clearly relevant to the question.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • heart disease
  • diabetes
  • nutritional deficiencies
  • fast food consumption
  • socioeconomic factors
  • public health campaigns
  • affordability
  • convenience
  • lifestyle choices
  • psychological factors
  • marketing strategies
  • increasing prevalence
  • health problem
  • well-being
What to do next:
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