It is sometimes said that modern technology brings people more free time. However, some people say that instead technology is making people even busier. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.
Technology
has taken over our life
and Fix the agreement mistake
lives
it
traces have become more obvious after the invention of modern Correct pronoun usage
its
technology
. Some people believe that sophisticated technology
makes us have more spare time
. Others, however
, are of the opinion that the
Correct article usage
apply
technology
causes people more busier. This
essay will discuss both views and provide my personal opinion.
On the one hand, it is argued that the
Correct article usage
apply
technology
can help us to do our tasks faster. To begin
with, this
is supported by the fact that nowadays, we have done the
significant number of our work Correct article usage
a
by
modern Change preposition
with
devices
and we do not need to stay in long lines. such
as,
smartphones for paying bills and most organizations have a specific application that offers many options. Remove the comma
apply
In addition
, it is
provided Verb problem
apply
for
Change preposition
apply
us
that we Correct pronoun usage
apply
do
not Verb problem
are
require
to go to banks or other companies, we can do everything from our homes.
As Wrong verb form
required
result
, it is somehow plausible that these Correct article usage
a result
devices
help us to save our time
.
On the other hand
, the need
to consider the attractive applications or games on Correct article usage
a need
devices
. Firstly
, people spend large chunks of their time
than needed on phones and televesions
Correct your spelling
televisions
television
due to
programmes and games. For instance
, football games are so attractive and engaging that they are often hard to resist. Moreover
, new devices
and new applications are being invented day by day and it can cause we
Correct pronoun usage
us
Fix the infinitive
to
time
with them more than past. In other words
, we do not need to
most of them and they are only Change preposition
apply
time
-consuming for us. Therefore
, it can be certainly said that using technology
is not only time
-consuming,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
distractive.
All in all, although
it is sometimes logical to say that using new devices
can help us to have more time
, I do believe that due to
the factors mentioned above, such
as attractive applications and programmes
and Correct your spelling
programs
also
increasing the number of devices
, it wastes our time
.Submitted by behshad_arabzadeh on
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task achievement
Your essay partially addresses the prompt, but there is a scope to enhance the development of your opinion, specifically in the conclusion. The conclusion could be stronger by summarizing both viewpoints and explicitly stating your stand.
coherence cohesion
There is visible organization in your essay. However, you may improve the logical progression of ideas by using a wider range of cohesive devices and transition words to signal comparisons and contrasts between the two viewpoints. Also, vary your sentence structure to enhance readability.
task achievement
While you presented examples, they should be more relevant and detailed to effectively illustrate your points. Ensure your examples are concrete and directly support the argument you're discussing. This will enhance the persuasive power of your essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example