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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think secondary school students should study international news as one of their subjects, while others believe that this is a waste of valuable time. Discuss both these views and give our own opinion.

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An array of masses believe that international
news
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 should be studied by secondary
school aged
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school-aged
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 pupils as a module whilst others say it wastes the
time
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 which can be invested
for
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in
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 learning other
subjects
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relevance
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relevant
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 to the curriculum. In my point of view, learning what is happening in the world can update the knowledge of
students
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,
although
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 that
time
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 period would be more useful in order to focus on exam-oriented matters. It should be
hence
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, organized in a balanced way and
this
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 essay will outline the importance of both sides. On one hand, if
students
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 in secondary schools follow international
news
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 that will benefit them in gaining ideas about current global trends.
This
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 is because
,
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apply
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this
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 subject emphasizes more about fields like economy,
therefore
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students
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 can get an idea about the possible areas which will have more job opportunities.
For instance
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, at present, more and more countries are focusing on the development of artificial intelligence (AI) ,
thus
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, pupils can wisely select
subjects
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 to cater for the future job market related to AI. Having said that, secondary-aged
students
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 can plan their professional careers simply by analyzing the world's
news
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.
On the other hand
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,
students
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 can study more demanding
subjects
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 during the
time
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 they spend studying world
news
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 as they are critical to scoring good grades. Since
,
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apply
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 there is a huge competition among pupils, the ones who can expertise
subjects
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such
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 as maths and science would be better at school.
Students
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thus
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, need to utilize more
time
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 in order to learn other conventional
subjects
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 to become highlighted among their peers. In conclusion, even though studying international
news
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 by secondary school
students
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 might help them choose future career paths,
,
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apply
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this
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 precious
time
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 can be more fruitfully taken to study more difficult
subjects
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such
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 as science and mathematics to get higher marks in examinations.
However
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, in my opinion, both these views are significant
hence
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 schools need to organize it in a balanced way.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear logical structure. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea and should be clearly linked to the overall topic. Transitions between paragraphs can be improved for better flow and clarity. Maintain a logical progression of ideas throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present, they need to be more explicit in presenting the thesis statement and summarizing the main points of the essay. The conclusion could be stronger by providing a more decisive personal viewpoint rather than seeming ambivalent.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph should have a clear main idea that is fully developed and supported. The supporting sentences should be directly related to the main topic of the paragraph and should include relevant details and examples to strengthen the argument.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task. Ensure that both views and your own opinion are fully covered in the response. Your own opinion should be clearly stated and distinct from the discussion of the two views. The essay should form a balanced argument considering the prompt.
task achievement
Present clear and comprehensive ideas on the topic, but be more specific in developing arguments. Avoid vague statements and generalize less. Try to delve deeper into the subject matter to provide thoughtful insights.
task achievement
Incorporate relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. Examples help to illustrate and strengthen your points. Ensure that they are directly linked to the topic and contribute to the argument being made.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Global awareness
  • Critical thinking
  • Global citizenship
  • Cultural diversity
  • Communication skills
  • Historical context
  • World affairs
  • Academic subjects
  • Bias
  • Misinformation
  • Age-appropriate
  • Media literacy
  • Educational enrichment
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