Some people think secondary school students should study international news as one of their subjects, while others believe that this is a waste of valuable time. Discuss both these views and give our own opinion.
An array of masses believe that international
news
should be studied by secondary school aged
pupils as a module whilst others say it wastes the Add a hyphen
school-aged
time
which can be invested for
learning other Change preposition
in
subjects
relevance
to the curriculum. In my point of view, learning what is happening in the world can update the knowledge of Replace the word
relevant
students
, although
that time
period would be more useful in order to focus on exam-oriented matters. It should be hence
, organized in a balanced way and this
essay will outline the importance of both sides.
On one hand, if students
in secondary schools follow international news
that will benefit them in gaining ideas about current global trends. This
is because,
Remove the comma
apply
this
subject emphasizes more about fields like economy, therefore
students
can get an idea about the possible areas which will have more job opportunities. For instance
, at present, more and more countries are focusing on the development of artificial intelligence (AI) , thus
, pupils can wisely select subjects
to cater for the future job market related to AI. Having said that, secondary-aged students
can plan their professional careers simply by analyzing the world's news
.
On the other hand
, students
can study more demanding subjects
during the time
they spend studying world news
as they are critical to scoring good grades. Since,
there is a huge competition among pupils, the ones who can expertise Remove the comma
apply
subjects
such
as maths and science would be better at school. Students
thus
, need to utilize more time
in order to learn other conventional subjects
to become highlighted among their peers.
In conclusion, even though studying international news
by secondary school students
might help them choose future career paths, ,
Change the punctuation
apply
this
precious time
can be more fruitfully taken to study more difficult subjects
such
as science and mathematics to get higher marks in examinations. However
, in my opinion, both these views are significant hence
schools need to organize it in a balanced way.Submitted by tlakshani005 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear logical structure. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea and should be clearly linked to the overall topic. Transitions between paragraphs can be improved for better flow and clarity. Maintain a logical progression of ideas throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present, they need to be more explicit in presenting the thesis statement and summarizing the main points of the essay. The conclusion could be stronger by providing a more decisive personal viewpoint rather than seeming ambivalent.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph should have a clear main idea that is fully developed and supported. The supporting sentences should be directly related to the main topic of the paragraph and should include relevant details and examples to strengthen the argument.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task. Ensure that both views and your own opinion are fully covered in the response. Your own opinion should be clearly stated and distinct from the discussion of the two views. The essay should form a balanced argument considering the prompt.
task achievement
Present clear and comprehensive ideas on the topic, but be more specific in developing arguments. Avoid vague statements and generalize less. Try to delve deeper into the subject matter to provide thoughtful insights.
task achievement
Incorporate relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. Examples help to illustrate and strengthen your points. Ensure that they are directly linked to the topic and contribute to the argument being made.
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