IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some parents buy their childern a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys.

#parents #childern #toys #child
Some parents decide to purchase plenty of
toys
 to entertain their kids.
This
 essay will discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of a child owning many types of
toys
 in the following paragraphs. Admittedly, on the one hand, there are several benefits of a minor possessing different kinds of
toys
.
Firstly
,
children
 can learn many skills by using
toys
 that they have.
For example
, dolls that represent people's jobs can introduce kids to people's roles in society,
while
 other
toys
such
 as 'squishy' can stimulate
children
's creativity.
Furthermore
,
toys
 can help
children
 to choose things that they like and dislike.
Children
's
toys
 come in many forms,
such
 as puzzles and legos, and they serve distinguished purposes.
For instance
,
children
 who adore puzzles might be more interested in problem-solving,
therefore
 parents can focus more on developing
this
 skill.
On the other hand
, there might be some downsides to having too many
toys
. Buying
toys
 can indirectly instil the idea of consumerism in
children
.
This
 will shape
children
's habit of asking for more
toys
 without understanding the aim behind the decision to buy.
As a consequence
, there might be some
toys
 that end up useless because
children
 opt to get more
toys
.
Besides
,
children
 who are spoiled with
toys
 tend to be more arrogant because their parents always give them anything that they want.
As a result
, a child can grow into an adult who is unable to control the emotion when things do not go as they expected. In summary, providing
children
 with a large number of
toys
 can bring both positive and negative impacts.
Toys
 can become the medium to develop
children
's capacity in many aspects.
Nonetheless
, having many
toys
 can promote a bad lifestyle for
children
.
Submitted by tnindrasetiawan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure a full and direct response to the task. Consider covering all parts of the prompt more thoroughly to improve the completeness of the response.
task achievement
Work on developing ideas with more specific details and examples. This could involve bringing in more concrete examples or statistics to illustrate points more vividly.
coherence cohesion
Maintain the logical flow of ideas throughout the essay. Ensure that the ordering of points is contributing to the overall effectiveness of the argument.
coherence cohesion
For a stronger conclusion, synthesize your points in a more impactful manner. Sum up the advantages and disadvantages you have discussed and consider offering a brief reflection or a final comment to add depth to your closing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!