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Band 7

Some parents buy their childern a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys.

#parents #childern #toys #child
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Some parents decide to purchase plenty of
toys
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 to entertain their kids.
This
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 essay will discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of a child owning many types of
toys
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 in the following paragraphs. Admittedly, on the one hand, there are several benefits of a minor possessing different kinds of
toys
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.
Firstly
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,
children
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 can learn many skills by using
toys
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 that they have.
For example
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, dolls that represent people's jobs can introduce kids to people's roles in society,
while
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 other
toys
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such
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 as 'squishy' can stimulate
children
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's creativity.
Furthermore
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,
toys
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 can help
children
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 to choose things that they like and dislike.
Children
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's
toys
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 come in many forms,
such
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 as puzzles and legos, and they serve distinguished purposes.
For instance
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,
children
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 who adore puzzles might be more interested in problem-solving,
therefore
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 parents can focus more on developing
this
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 skill.
On the other hand
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, there might be some downsides to having too many
toys
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. Buying
toys
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 can indirectly instil the idea of consumerism in
children
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.
This
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 will shape
children
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's habit of asking for more
toys
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 without understanding the aim behind the decision to buy.
As a consequence
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, there might be some
toys
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 that end up useless because
children
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 opt to get more
toys
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.
Besides
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,
children
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 who are spoiled with
toys
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 tend to be more arrogant because their parents always give them anything that they want.
As a result
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, a child can grow into an adult who is unable to control the emotion when things do not go as they expected. In summary, providing
children
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 with a large number of
toys
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 can bring both positive and negative impacts.
Toys
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 can become the medium to develop
children
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's capacity in many aspects.
Nonetheless
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, having many
toys
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 can promote a bad lifestyle for
children
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.
Submitted by tnindrasetiawan on

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task achievement
Ensure a full and direct response to the task. Consider covering all parts of the prompt more thoroughly to improve the completeness of the response.
task achievement
Work on developing ideas with more specific details and examples. This could involve bringing in more concrete examples or statistics to illustrate points more vividly.
coherence cohesion
Maintain the logical flow of ideas throughout the essay. Ensure that the ordering of points is contributing to the overall effectiveness of the argument.
coherence cohesion
For a stronger conclusion, synthesize your points in a more impactful manner. Sum up the advantages and disadvantages you have discussed and consider offering a brief reflection or a final comment to add depth to your closing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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