Some children spend hours everyday on their smartphones. Why is i some children spent hourt the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development.

In
digital
Add an article
the digital
show examples
era,
overused on
Wrong verb form
overusing
show examples
smartphones
has become
inevitable
Add an article
an inevitable
show examples
problem
due to
contant-update
Correct your spelling
content-update
constant-update
features and apps. That affects some
children
spending too many hours on their
gadget
Fix the agreement mistake
gadgets
show examples
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
. If
that is
the case, I think the advancement of technology, mainly on
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
is already being directed to negative development rather than positive one. Childhood
time
is a phase when
children
developing
Wrong verb form
develop
show examples
their
ability
Fix the agreement mistake
abilities
show examples
,
Correct word choice
and personality
show examples
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
show examples
, and
learning
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
social skills in order to adapt in later development. Being exposed too much
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
smartphones
will cause less
time
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
learning and less
time
with their
parents
and friends. Ironically, when
children
found
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
something interesting
such
as a game app, they do not want to play outside anymore and prefer to stay at home. If
this
is being abandoned, not only they will have less
time
to explore, but
also
children
most likely to have difficulty
to adapt
Verb problem
apply
show examples
in society.
Furthermore
, there is
possibility
Add an article
the possibility
a possibility
show examples
that having
spend
Change the form of the verb
spent
show examples
too many hours on
smartphones
will make
children
unable to focus during their development in school. Because their attention is already being hijacked by
smartphones
everytime
Replace the word
every time
show examples
, the
worst case
Add a hyphen
worst-case
show examples
scenario is they become addicts. If that scenario really happens,
children
will not perform well in school and it results their low grades in assignments and examinations.
Therefore
, it has already become
parents
' responsibility to teach
the
Change the word
their
show examples
children
how to use their gadgets wisely without
sacrifing
Correct your spelling
sacrificing
something important.
Moreover
,
parents
should give specific allocation for everyday usage of
smartphones
to avoid their
children
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
addicted. In conclusion, spending many hours
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
smartphones
for
children
not only
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
them
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
less
time
with
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and friends
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can hinder
childrens'
Change noun form
children's
show examples
school performance.
Submitted by pedrothedawn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows logically from one to the next, using cohesive devices effectively to clarify relationships between ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion
Expand on main points with more detailed explanations and include a range of relevant examples to support your ideas.
Task Achievement
Be sure to fully answer all parts of the task, offering a balanced view and providing a conclusion that summarizes the main points effectively.
Task Achievement
Develop ideas fully by explaining the implications or providing concrete examples to back up points made in the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!