Some children spend hours everyday on their smartphones. Why is i some children spent hourt the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development.

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In
digital
Add an article
the digital
show examples
era,
overused on
Wrong verb form
overusing
show examples
smartphones
has become
inevitable
Add an article
an inevitable
show examples
problem
due to
contant-update
Correct your spelling
content-update
constant-update
features and apps. That affects some
children
spending too many hours on their
gadget
Fix the agreement mistake
gadgets
show examples
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
. If
that is
the case, I think the advancement of technology, mainly on
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
is already being directed to negative development rather than positive one. Childhood
time
is a phase when
children
developing
Wrong verb form
develop
show examples
their
ability
Fix the agreement mistake
abilities
show examples
,
Correct word choice
and personality
show examples
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
show examples
, and
learning
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
social skills in order to adapt in later development. Being exposed too much
with
Change preposition
to
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smartphones
will cause less
time
of
Change preposition
for
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learning and less
time
with their
parents
and friends. Ironically, when
children
found
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
something interesting
such
as a game app, they do not want to play outside anymore and prefer to stay at home. If
this
is being abandoned, not only they will have less
time
to explore, but
also
children
most likely to have difficulty
to adapt
Verb problem
apply
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in society.
Furthermore
, there is
possibility
Add an article
the possibility
a possibility
show examples
that having
spend
Change the form of the verb
spent
show examples
too many hours on
smartphones
will make
children
unable to focus during their development in school. Because their attention is already being hijacked by
smartphones
everytime
Replace the word
every time
show examples
, the
worst case
Add a hyphen
worst-case
show examples
scenario is they become addicts. If that scenario really happens,
children
will not perform well in school and it results their low grades in assignments and examinations.
Therefore
, it has already become
parents
' responsibility to teach
the
Change the word
their
show examples
children
how to use their gadgets wisely without
sacrifing
Correct your spelling
sacrificing
something important.
Moreover
,
parents
should give specific allocation for everyday usage of
smartphones
to avoid their
children
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
addicted. In conclusion, spending many hours
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
smartphones
for
children
not only
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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them
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
less
time
with
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and friends
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can hinder
childrens'
Change noun form
children's
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school performance.
Submitted by pedrothedawn on

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Coherence & Cohesion
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Task Achievement
Develop ideas fully by explaining the implications or providing concrete examples to back up points made in the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Linking words for giving examples:

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  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
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  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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