IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

ome believe that people today have no interests in maintaining the traditional culture of their country or region. Others believe that it is still important to people that we preserve a traditional way of life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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In recent decades, preserving cultures isn'
t
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 the priority of
people
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 but several claim that these values still are followed by
people
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 and they intend them as an integral matter. In
this
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 essay, I will argue both views and give my opinion. Nowadays, many countries' culture is subjected to modification and going to oblivion which has some causes. I would like to divide these reasons into two groups.
To begin
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 with, the new generation couldn'
t
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 accept some of the old beliefs and they are trying to eliminate them from their enriched culture.
For instance
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, a number of superstitious attitudes and thoughts exist that youngsters can'
t
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 bear in my country like, considering women as second citizens.
Furthermore
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, social media leads numerous youths to follow new fashions and moods
thus
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 they aren'
t
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 interested in outmoded values. second group relates to a few beneficial traditions that are disappearing
due to
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 economic inflation. Society can'
t
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 be able to perform them because they aren'
t
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 affordable.
For example
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, the bad situation of the economy leads individuals to have to work hard so they are busy and don’
t
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 have enough time to allocate taking part in festivals and it is rational that managing a festival needs to spend the majority of bucks.
Also
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, migration has affected
people
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 because they tend to adapt themselves to citizens of the new country to have a convenient life among them
However
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,
people
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 strive to the best of their ability to save their customs which have been converted to an unpartable portion of them.
such
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 as every nation has their own cuisines and society's palate are get used to them,
therefore
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, these foods are being promoted their all over the world.
Moreover
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, our
behaviors
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behaviours
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 are a considerable part of our culture which remains among folks from their ancestors like being welcoming.
In addition
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,
nevertheless
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, traditional clothes haven'
t
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 been used a lot, but they are worn at events and special occasions. In conclusion, to my mind, the current modern life doesn'
t
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 acknowledge old conventions for numerous causes. maintaining cultures is affected by the way of treating and thinking
youngs
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young
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.

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are clear and directly address the task. The current introduction could be more engaging and lay out the roadmap of the essay more explicitly.
logical structure
The essay needs a clearer logical structure. Consider more distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences that introduce the main idea followed by supporting sentences.
supported main points
Each main point should be elaborated on with clear examples or evidence. Try to incorporate more specific examples to support your points.
complete response
Ensure you fully address all parts of the task. While both views are mentioned, your own opinion should be clearer and more developed as per task requirements.
clear comprehensive ideas
Strive for clearer and more comprehensive development of ideas. Avoid overgeneralizations and make sure that arguments are fully fleshed out.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate relevant specific examples to support your arguments. Broad statements sometimes lack the illustrative power of a well-chosen example.
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