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Band 2.5

TASK 2 Many people try to balance work and other parts of their life. However, this is very difficult to do. What are the problems associated with this? What is the best way to achieve a better balance? Write at least 250 words.

#people #balance #work #parts #life
Finding a
balance
 between
work
 and other parts of our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 is indeed a difficult task to achieve. Considering the amount of
time
 people spend working in their weekly routine, it is hard
act
Add the particle
to act
show examples
 professional all the
time
 since
work
fill
Correct subject-verb agreement
fills
show examples
 a great
time
 in the day. Problems associated
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 that are
numberous
Correct your spelling
numerous
, mental health, stress and depression can be caused by the lack of
balance
 in a
work
 routine. Statistics
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
 that every year thousands of people in the whole world suicide
due to
 mental problems caused by excessive
work
 and stress caused by it. Finding an appropriate
balance
 might be hard, but not impossible. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 the use of
day-offs
Correct your spelling
day offs
show examples
 to take
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
 to relax and forget about
work
 is essential to keep a stable mental.
Although
work
 is a priority for securing the financial part of our
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
, it is more important to take
cause
Add an article
the cause
show examples
 of the
phsicology
Correct your spelling
psychology
physiology
 state of mind. Creating relationship bonds between co-workers might be helpful in order to
stablish
Correct your spelling
establish
 a better
work
 environment. In conclusion, to create a
balance
 between personal life and
work
, is essential to manage our routine to find
time
 to
exam
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examine
show examples
 mental health as a priority, and make efforts to turn the
work
 environment into a more relaxing space without involving personal problems
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 it.
Submitted by ionyourenglish on

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coherence cohesion
The essay needs to have a more structured approach. It is essential to clearly separate ideas into paragraphs with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a central idea that is expanded on with examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
The introduction should set the stage for the discussion and outline the main points that will be covered. The conclusion should summarize the key points and restate your position clearly without introducing new ideas.
task achievement
The essay should explore the issues associated with balancing work and life in depth, providing specific examples to illustrate the problems faced. Additionally, when proposing solutions, detail and specificity can aid in demonstrating a thorough understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Work to avoid general statements and strive to provide specific, relevant examples to support your points. Using statistical evidence, credible sources, or hypothetical scenarios can lend weight to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Pay close attention to your grammar and vocabulary. Aim to use a variety of sentence structures and a wide range of vocabulary to convey your ideas more effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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