IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think women should be given equal chances to work and excel in their careers. Others believe that a woman's role should be limited to taking care of the house and children. Which opinion do you agree with and why? Include specific details and examples to support your choice.

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Women
Use synonyms
carrer's
Correct your spelling
career's
carrier's
 breakthrough is quite
populaar
Correct your spelling
popular
 around the world
due to
Linking Words
 education. Some think that
women
Use synonyms
 should be treated equally
Change preposition
to
show examples
like
Change preposition
to
show examples
men
Use synonyms
 and
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have
Correct article usage
the opportunity
show examples
opportunity
Correct article usage
the opportunity
show examples
 to enhance their careers
while
Linking Words
 others say that
women
Use synonyms
 should not come out
Change preposition
of
show examples
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
Use synonyms
house
Correct your spelling
homes
show examples
 because their main work is doing
house
Use synonyms
 chores and
Wrong verb form
bringing
show examples
brought
Wrong verb form
bringing
show examples
 up children. In my opinion
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 should
be worked
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 and fight equally
Linking Words
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
as
men
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, all
women
Use synonyms
 have a choice
what
Change preposition
of what
show examples
 to do in their personal
as well as
Linking Words
 professional life. They should enter the
workplace
Use synonyms
 to show their
talents
Use synonyms
 not only
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
 doing
house
Use synonyms
 chores and
brought
Wrong verb form
bringing
show examples
 up kids but
also
Linking Words
 they can work like
opposite
Add an article
the opposite
show examples
 gender.
For example
Linking Words
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Indian enterprises have
women
Use synonyms
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
senior level positions at their
workplace
Use synonyms
 and they can control the whole company with their knowledge and
talents
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, all companies should be hired and treated equally like
men
Use synonyms
 in order
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their family financial growth
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
 get more benefits.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
's
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
 job is not doing
house
Use synonyms
 chores
along with
Linking Words
brough
Correct your spelling
brought
 up their toddlers, they have more knowledge and
talents
Use synonyms
 but some male dominations people have
major
Add an article
a major
show examples
 goal which is
women
Use synonyms
 should not enter
Use synonyms
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
show examples
 because they think
women
Use synonyms
means
Verb problem
are
show examples
payless
Correct your spelling
pay less
show examples
 housewife.
For example
Linking Words
, South
Indians
Replace the word
Indian
show examples
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 think
women
Use synonyms
 cannot go outside to do work and they only think about family rather
tahn
Correct your spelling
than
 anything else
such
Linking Words
 as personal
groming
Correct your spelling
grooming
growing
 too,
as a consequence
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
house wives
Correct your spelling
housewives
show examples
 are suffered
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
 stress and depression.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 should be come out
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 small circle and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employers should be given equal
chance
Fix the agreement mistake
chances
show examples
 at
Use synonyms
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
 to enhance their
talents
Use synonyms
 and skills
instead
Linking Words
 of stuck with
the
Change the word
their
show examples
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
. In my opinion
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 should be treated equally
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
 to show their skills like
men
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that you have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Your essay lacks clarity in the introduction and conclusion, making it difficult to follow the progression of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points with explanations and examples. Several arguments are stated but not fully elaborated upon, which affects the overall comprehensiveness of your response.
task achievement
Aim for a complete response to the prompt, addressing all parts of the task equally. Your essay tends to focus more on the perspective you agree with, somewhat neglecting the opposing viewpoint.
task achievement
Work on clear and comprehensive idea development. Some ideas are introduced abruptly and lack clear connection to the question, which makes them seem less relevant or underdeveloped.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your argument. The examples given are somewhat vague and lack specificity, which would have given strength to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Mind the accuracy of language use, including grammar, vocabulary, and punctuation, to increase the clarity and readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to the cohesion between sentences and paragraphs. Use cohesive devices effectively, ensuring that the essay has a logical flow of ideas.
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