Some people think women should be given equal chances to work and excel in their careers. Others believe that a woman's role should be limited to taking care of the house and children. Which opinion do you agree with and why? Include specific details and examples to support your choice.
Women
carrer's
breakthrough is quite Correct your spelling
career's
carrier's
populaar
around the world Correct your spelling
popular
due to
education. Some think that women
should be treated equally Change preposition
to
like
Change preposition
to
men
and Correct pronoun usage
apply
they
have Correct pronoun usage
apply
Correct article usage
the opportunity
opportunity
to enhance their careers Correct article usage
the opportunity
while
others say that women
should not come out Change preposition
of
from
their Change preposition
of
house
because their main work is doing Correct your spelling
homes
house
chores and Wrong verb form
bringing
brought
up children. In my opinion Wrong verb form
bringing
about
Change preposition
apply
Correct pronoun usage
apply
this
, women
should be worked
and fight equally Wrong verb form
work
such
as Correct quantifier usage
apply
men
at
Change preposition
in
workplace
.
Add an article
the workplace
To begin
with, all women
have a choice what
to do in their personal Change preposition
of what
as well as
professional life. They should enter the workplace
to show their talents
not only to
doing Change preposition
by
house
chores and brought
up kids but Wrong verb form
bringing
also
they can work like opposite
gender. Add an article
the opposite
For example
, most of
Change preposition
apply
the
Indian enterprises have Correct article usage
apply
women
as
Change preposition
in
the
senior level positions at their Correct article usage
apply
workplace
and they can control the whole company with their knowledge and talents
. Therefore
, all companies should be hired and treated equally like men
in order to
their family financial growth Change preposition
for
also
get more benefits.
Correct word choice
and also
Furthermore
, women
's full time
job is not doing Add a hyphen
full-time
house
chores along with
brough
up their toddlers, they have more knowledge and Correct your spelling
brought
talents
but some male dominations people have major
goal which is Add an article
a major
women
should not enter workplace
because they think Correct article usage
the workplace
women
means
Verb problem
are
payless
housewife. Correct your spelling
pay less
For example
, South Indians
Replace the word
Indian
male
think Fix the agreement mistake
males
women
cannot go outside to do work and they only think about family rather tahn
anything else Correct your spelling
than
such
as personal groming
too, Correct your spelling
grooming
growing
as a consequence
, house wives
are suffered Correct your spelling
housewives
with
stress and depression.
Change preposition
from
To conclude
, women
should be come out their
small circle and Change preposition
of their
the
employers should be given equal Correct article usage
apply
chance
at Fix the agreement mistake
chances
workplace
to enhance their Add an article
the workplace
talents
and skills instead
of stuck with the
Change the word
their
family
. In my opinion Fix the agreement mistake
families
about
Change preposition
apply
Correct pronoun usage
apply
this
, women
should be treated equally at
Change preposition
in
workplace
to show their skills like Add an article
the workplace
men
.Submitted by reanudeepan on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that you have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Your essay lacks clarity in the introduction and conclusion, making it difficult to follow the progression of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points with explanations and examples. Several arguments are stated but not fully elaborated upon, which affects the overall comprehensiveness of your response.
task achievement
Aim for a complete response to the prompt, addressing all parts of the task equally. Your essay tends to focus more on the perspective you agree with, somewhat neglecting the opposing viewpoint.
task achievement
Work on clear and comprehensive idea development. Some ideas are introduced abruptly and lack clear connection to the question, which makes them seem less relevant or underdeveloped.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your argument. The examples given are somewhat vague and lack specificity, which would have given strength to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Mind the accuracy of language use, including grammar, vocabulary, and punctuation, to increase the clarity and readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to the cohesion between sentences and paragraphs. Use cohesive devices effectively, ensuring that the essay has a logical flow of ideas.