Many people feel the urban encivronments are more unhealthy than they have ever been What do you think are the main causes of the problem? What measures can be effective in tackling this problem ?
In just
couple
of decades, urban development has been massively developed and well-improved and it is one of the Change the article
a couple
reason
why so many Change to a plural noun
reasons
people
are attracted to relocate into
major or bigger Change preposition
to
cities
from rural region
. Overpopulated density and Fix the agreement mistake
regions
traffic
congestion
are the two main problems that leading
the urban environment Wrong verb form
have led
become
unhealthy throughout the years. Fix the infinitive
to become
This
essay will provide a deep understanding about
those problems and what measures should be taken to Change preposition
of
address
.
Many Correct pronoun usage
address them
people
moving in
from rural Rephrase
apply
area
to urban Fix the agreement mistake
areas
region
causes Fix the agreement mistake
regions
population
Correct article usage
the population
become
denser each year. Fix the infinitive
to become
As a result
, cities
will reach an overpopulated situation someday and normally later they are dealing with a traffic
congestion
problem. Jakarta as a
capital city of Indonesia, Correct article usage
the
for instance
, for many years are
already Verb problem
has
being
overpopulated and at the same time dealing with air pollution Wrong verb form
been
and
Correct word choice
apply
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
makes
air quality worsen and slowly threatening Wrong verb form
making
people
's health. One of the cause
is there are still lots of personal vehicles on the road Fix the agreement mistake
causes
although
local authories
already offered public transportation facilities.
There are several different examples that both national and local Correct your spelling
authorities
authorises
government
can do to tackle overpopulated density and Fix the agreement mistake
governments
traffic
congestion
at once in urban area
. Fix the agreement mistake
areas
For example
, Tokyo
as the most populated cities
in the world has been implementing a policy to reduce the Fix the agreement mistake
city
population
there. Local
government offers millions of yen for everyone who Correct article usage
The local
want
to move out from Change the verb form
wants
Tokyo
to any smaller population
. As a result
, more and more people
are willing to relocate to smaller cities
and it leads the
Change preposition
to the
population
in Tokyo
reducing slowly.
To conclude
, a large number of people
feel that their environment in rural become unhealthy
than before and mostly it is caused by Correct quantifier usage
more unhealthy
overpopulation
problem that leads to Correct article usage
the overpopulation
traffic
congestion
. Tokyo
as a reference, has developed a policy to reduce population
Add an article
the population
through
giving their Change preposition
by
people
an
adequate money to relocate.Remove the article
apply
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task achievement
There appears to be a lack of clear introduction and conclusion that specifically addresses the prompt of main causes and effective measures directly, affecting task response. Review the essay structure to ensure that the introduction clearly states the main causes and measures, with the conclusion summarizing these points and restating the position.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat evident, but transitions between ideas could be smoother for enhanced readability and coherence. Consider using a variety of linking words and sentences to better connect paragraphs and main points.
coherence cohesion
While you've provided examples to support the main points, they require additional development and reference to the essay question to reinforce relevance. Back up your points with more detailed analysis and exemplification related to the urban environment health concerns mentioned in the prompt.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?