At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?
In the past three decades, many countries have experienced a significant increase in the
youth
population, presenting both opportunities and challenges for communities. Young people
bring new perspectives to those societies, but at the same time
they Add a comma
time,
were
deprived of the experiences of the previous generation. Wrong verb form
are
Although
, I myself believe that the young population has more advantages for today's society
Youth
has always been the embodiment of creativity and innovation. In my opinion, this
is not without reason since most of the inventions in human history have been made by young people
. They are usually not bound by common frameworks. For Instance
, the creation of Artificial intelligence was the result of non-algorithmic
perspective. Correct article usage
a non-algorithmic
Instead
of designing an equation for phenomena such
as rain forecasting, they used a network with hundreds of variables, which has transformed the world today. This
creativity is less seen in elderly people
and this
can be considered as a positive point in supporting the growth of the youth
population.
Although
people
have done great things at
Change preposition
in
youth
, they have Correct pronoun usage
their youth
also
caused tragedies. Most of the bitter events that humans have faced throughout history have been caused by lack
of experience. Correct article usage
a lack
For example
, American Airlines Flight 548 could not be found in 1990 due to
the failure of the plane's navigation system, and its 28-year-old pilot was diverted to the North Pole and crashed after 2 hours. Two years later, this
happened to Robert, a 47-year-old pilot who was able to navigate using the stars and get passengers to their destination safely. In this
example, the difference between the two pilots was the amount of skill and experience that would take time to acquire. Therefore
, this
can be considered a positive and valuable point in the elderly generation, which will not be pleasant to lose.
In conclusion, every age group has potentials
that can be used, but based on the needs of today's society, we need more creativity and innovative views, all of which can be found in the younger generation. Fix the agreement mistake
potential
Therefore
, we can expect to see wider development and progress in countries with young populations in the future than others.Submitted by TUTOO on
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Coherence & Cohesion
The essay could benefit from a clearer logical structure with more distinct paragraphing. Consider introducing each main point in its own paragraph with a prominent topic sentence and follow through with supporting sentences.
Task Response
Include an introduction that more effectively paraphrases the question and presents a clear thesis statement that outlines the advantages and disadvantages you will discuss.
Coherence & Cohesion
The conclusion needs to summarise the key points made within the body of the essay before it reiterates the author's position. Ensure that the conclusion links back to the introduction.
Coherence & Cohesion
Create a stronger link between ideas and paragraphs by using a range of cohesive devices. This can be achieved by starting sentences with phrases that express contrast, cause and effect, or addition, where appropriate.
Task Response
Develop your supporting points more extensively, providing specific examples or statistics wherever possible to reinforce the arguments made and add credibility.