At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

In the past three decades, many countries have experienced a significant increase in the

youth

Use synonyms

population, presenting both opportunities and challenges for communities. Young

people

Use synonyms

bring new perspectives to those societies, but at the same

time

Add a comma

time,

show examples

they

were

Wrong verb form

are

show examples

deprived of the experiences of the previous generation.

Although

Linking Words

, I myself believe that the young population has more advantages for today's society

Youth

Use synonyms

has always been the embodiment of creativity and innovation. In my opinion,

this

Linking Words

is not without reason since most of the inventions in human history have been made by young

people

Use synonyms

. They are usually not bound by common frameworks.

For Instance

Linking Words

, the creation of Artificial intelligence was the result of

non-algorithmic

Correct article usage

a non-algorithmic

show examples

perspective.

Instead

Linking Words

of designing an equation for phenomena

such

Linking Words

as rain forecasting, they used a network with hundreds of variables, which has transformed the world today.

This

Linking Words

creativity is less seen in elderly

people

Use synonyms

and

this

Linking Words

can be considered as a positive point in supporting the growth of the

youth

Use synonyms

population.

Although

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

have done great things

Change preposition

show examples

Use synonyms

youth

Correct pronoun usage

their youth

show examples

, they have

also

Linking Words

caused tragedies. Most of the bitter events that humans have faced throughout history have been caused by

lack

Correct article usage

a lack

show examples

of experience.

For example

Linking Words

, American Airlines Flight 548 could not be found in 1990

due to

Linking Words

the failure of the plane's navigation system, and its 28-year-old pilot was diverted to the North Pole and crashed after 2 hours. Two years later,

this

Linking Words

happened to Robert, a 47-year-old pilot who was able to navigate using the stars and get passengers to their destination safely. In

this

Linking Words

example, the difference between the two pilots was the amount of skill and experience that would take time to acquire.

Therefore

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

can be considered a positive and valuable point in the elderly generation, which will not be pleasant to lose. In conclusion, every age group has

potentials

Fix the agreement mistake

potential

show examples

that can be used, but based on the needs of today's society, we need more creativity and innovative views, all of which can be found in the younger generation.

Therefore

Linking Words

, we can expect to see wider development and progress in countries with young populations in the future than others.

TUTOOSun Nov 26 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay could benefit from a clearer logical structure with more distinct paragraphing. Consider introducing each main point in its own paragraph with a prominent topic sentence and follow through with supporting sentences.

Task Response

Include an introduction that more effectively paraphrases the question and presents a clear thesis statement that outlines the advantages and disadvantages you will discuss.

Coherence & Cohesion

The conclusion needs to summarise the key points made within the body of the essay before it reiterates the author's position. Ensure that the conclusion links back to the introduction.

Coherence & Cohesion

Create a stronger link between ideas and paragraphs by using a range of cohesive devices. This can be achieved by starting sentences with phrases that express contrast, cause and effect, or addition, where appropriate.

Task Response

Develop your supporting points more extensively, providing specific examples or statistics wherever possible to reinforce the arguments made and add credibility.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

354 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

demographic
workforce
productivity
innovation
skilled labor
social development
technology
dividend
competition
resources
social welfare
unrest
instability
healthcare
elderly care

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4
band
Large numbers of people participate in sports that are extremely dangerous. Why do you think people do this? How can the risks of participation be minimised?
Today many games are being played all over the world. Some of them are extremely risky and life threatening. Despite of these facts their popularity is growing and many people are playing such games on a professional level. This essay will identify the reasons why people are playing such life threatening games and provide some practical approaches to minimize the risk associated with these games.
7.5
band
In some countries, many people suffer from health problems due to eating too much fast food. It is, therefore, necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. Do you agree or disagree?
It is argued that governments should levy a tariff on junk food because the number of health risks associated with consuming this kind of food is on the rise. This essay agrees that a higher rate of tax should be paid by fast-food companies. Firstly, alcohol and tobacco companies already pay higher taxes; secondly, higher taxes could raise prices and lower consumption.
7
band
Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both veiws and give your opinion?
Some people believe that working in the same workplace their whole working life will be more beneficial while others disagree with this idea and think that it is appropriate to find a better job.In the following paragraphs,both of these views will be discussed in detail before the conclusion is reached.
4
band
Several cities around the globe subscribed the idea of vertical development for residential buildings, others promtote independent houses in larger areas.
Several cities around the globe subscribed the idea of vertical development for residential buildings, others promtote independent houses in larger areas. I believe that providing taller residential apartments is the best way for the development of cities as ample reasons are present to substantiate it. This essay will delve into my viewpoint with relevant illustrations.
5
band
Nowadays children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some people think that activities are not good for a child's mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Currently kids tend to watch many TV programs and play video games. Some individuals assumes these kind of activities are not good for their mental health. I strongly agree, because it will lead declining social ability and producing extra hormone.

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Large numbers of people participate in sports that are extremely dangerous. Why do you think people do this? How can the risks of participation be minimised?

In some countries, many people suffer from health problems due to eating too much fast food. It is, therefore, necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both veiws and give your opinion?

Several cities around the globe subscribed the idea of vertical development for residential buildings, others promtote independent houses in larger areas.

Nowadays children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some people think that activities are not good for a child's mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?