IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some think the best way to motivate and encourage people to work hard is to pay them based on how much they produce and sell. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion

#think #people #work
Some
people
 believe that the best method to motivate and to push
people
 to
work
 hard is paying them
depend
Wrong verb form
depending
show examples
 on how much they produce and sell. I partially agree with
this
 statement because
workers
 get more pay if many products are
solded
Correct your spelling
sold
, and they still
work
 in their company.
Nevertheless
, if they are paid more, they will
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not care about the
sell
Replace the word
sale
show examples
.
On the other hand
,
employees
 get more pay if many products are
solded
Correct your spelling
sold
. Unless
workers
work
 hard,
companies
 will not spend their money to pay them.
This
happen
Change the verb form
happens
show examples
 because
companies
 do not want to lose
provit
Correct your spelling
profit
.
For example
,
people
 who
work
 more than normal time will get
bonus
Add an article
a bonus
the bonus
show examples
 from their bosses.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
,
employees
 will still
work
 in their
companies
. The bosses who give more money as
apreciate
Correct your spelling
appreciate
 to their
workers
 because many products are
solded
Correct your spelling
sold
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 will make them convenient to still
work
.
For instance
, in
gerenal
Correct your spelling
general
 big
companies
 provide big bonus for
workers
Change noun form
workers'
worker's
show examples
 achievement,
so that
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 make the
employees
comfort to
Wrong verb form
comfortable working
show examples
work
.
On the other hand
, the
workers
 who get more pay will
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not care about the
sell
Replace the word
sale
show examples
. They feel
likes
Replace the word
like
show examples
 they
already
Add a missing verb
are already
show examples
 done with their
sell
Replace the word
sales
show examples
. The
employees
 will not
being
Change the verb form
be
show examples
 lazy,
otherwise
Add a comma
otherwise,
show examples
 they receive
overbonus
Correct your spelling
over bonus
. Take
Scarlet
Correct article usage
the Scarlet
show examples
 Company as an example.
This
 company spend
much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
show examples
 money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
workers
, but they
inactive
Add a missing verb
are inactive
show examples
 and make it lose their
provit
Correct your spelling
profit
. To recapitulate the arguments mentioned above,
people
 who
work
 hard, especially in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of
sell
Wrong verb form
selling
show examples
, will get more pay from their bosses, in spite of they will being lazy
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction and Conclusion
It is crucial to present a clear introduction and conclusion to effectively frame your essay and to reinforce your response to the task. The introduction should summarily address the prompt, while the conclusion should recapitulate your main points.
Logical Structure
Maintain a logical structure throughout your essay by organizing ideas into distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences. Each paragraph should center around a single idea with subsequent sentences building upon it.
Supported Main Points
Support your main points with clear, developed arguments, and relevant examples. Providing concrete evidence strengthens the persuasiveness of your argument and showcases your ability to engage with the topic critically.
Complete Response
Ensure you fully respond to all parts of the task. It appears that the essay only partially addresses the question. Expand on these points and clearly state to what extent you agree or disagree, with supporting reasons.
Clear and Comprehensive Ideas
Work on expressing your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Strive for clarity in your writing to effectively communicate your position and reasoning.
Relevant and Specific Examples
Incorporate relevant and specific examples to substantiate your arguments. Examples should be directly tied to the point you're making and help illustrate your perspective on the issue.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: