Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Some people believe that

music

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can connect individuals from different cultures and ages. There is no doubt that

music

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can facilitate communication between human beings and it has

proven

Add a missing verb

been proven

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that

Correct word choice

apply

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in many previous stories from history. In

this

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essay

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essay,

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I will state my own opinion and provide persuasive examples as well.

To begin

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with, I completely agree with the statement because

music

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can allow you to express your opinion when words are not enough to interpret what

intended

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is intended

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to be said.

For instance

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, the

song

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called *Love

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song

Capitalize word

Song

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* written by the American singer Taylor Swift was the expression of the anger of a

seventeen years old

Correct your spelling

seventeen-year-old

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girl which led to the discovery of the magnificent talent she has.

In addition

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to that,

this

Linking Words

song

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communicated her feelings to her parents In a way that they understood her potential.

Moreover

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, language does not stand in the way of

music

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. What I mean by

that is

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if a message is meant to be delivered by a

song

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language will not interrupt that. The reason for

this

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is that

music

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connects people by vibe, intimacy and love.

For example

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, Um Kalthoum’s songs, an Egyptian singer and

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song writer

Correct your spelling

songwriter

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from the 19th century, are still played in every street in Egypt loved by all ages and genders. Simultaneously, her songs

plays

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play

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a role in the entertainment of tourists. Another example is the Italian Opera from hundreds of years ago with its mesmerizing effect on any human being no matter

his\her

Correct your spelling

his

culture or age. In conclusion, I am a vehement supporter of the power of

music

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to bridge cultures together

as well as

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the age gaps. Many signers chose

music

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to deliver a message, others created songs that are currently still appreciated

from

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for

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hundreds of years and will never get old.

nadasoltan818Sun Nov 26 2023

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coherence cohesion

While you have included both an introduction and conclusion, which is positive, the overall logical structure of your essay could be improved. Consider using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to outline the main idea of the paragraph. This helps the reader understand the main point and how it relates to your overall argument.

task achievement

Your paragraphs do have examples, but they would benefit from more development and explanation. When using examples such as 'Love song' by Taylor Swift, explain how this song specifically supports your point about music bridging cultures. Additionally, be careful with your references - the title of the song is 'Love Story', not 'Love song', which indicates a lack of attention to detail that can affect your credibility.

task achievement

Pay attention to the historical accuracy and the precision of your statements. Um Kalthoum was a 20th-century figure, not from the 19th century. Such inaccuracies can undermine the strength of your argument.

coherence cohesion

Your examples serve to illustrate your points; however, make sure to use a wider range of cohesive devices to create a better flow between sentences and paragraphs. Phrases such as 'furthermore', 'in addition', or 'consequently' can help to link ideas more smoothly.

coherence cohesion

Ensure consistent use of appropriate referencing and formatting. When you mention song titles, books, or specific terms, use proper formatting such as italics or quotation marks to indicate titles.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

296 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Many High Street shops have gone out of business in recent years. Why do you think this has happened? Is it a positive or negative development?

The cost of living is higher in many countries. What are the effects of higher prices on individuals and society? What is the best way for people to deal with this problem?

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging population create problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extant do the advantage of having an aging population outweigh the disadvantages?.

Nature of the overall Engineering Project and my particular Work Area

Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool. To what extent do you agree with this?