Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Some people believe that
music
can connect individuals from different cultures and ages. There is no doubt that music
can facilitate communication between human beings and it has proven
Add a missing verb
been proven
that
in many previous stories from history. In Correct word choice
apply
this
essay
I will state my own opinion and provide persuasive examples as well.
Add a comma
essay,
To begin
with, I completely agree with the statement because music
can allow you to express your opinion when words are not enough to interpret what intended
to be said. Add a missing verb
is intended
For instance
, the song
called *Love song
* written by the American singer Taylor Swift was the expression of the anger of a Capitalize word
Song
seventeen years old
girl which led to the discovery of the magnificent talent she has. Correct your spelling
seventeen-year-old
In addition
to that, this
song
communicated her feelings to her parents In a way that they understood her potential.
Moreover
, language does not stand in the way of music
. What I mean by that is
if a message is meant to be delivered by a song
language will not interrupt that. The reason for this
is that music
connects people by vibe, intimacy and love. For example
, Um Kalthoum’s songs, an Egyptian singer and song writer
from the 19th century, are still played in every street in Egypt loved by all ages and genders. Simultaneously, her songs Correct your spelling
songwriter
plays
a role in the entertainment of tourists. Another example is the Italian Opera from hundreds of years ago with its mesmerizing effect on any human being no matter Change the verb form
play
his\her
culture or age.
In conclusion, I am a vehement supporter of the power of Correct your spelling
his
music
to bridge cultures together as well as
the age gaps. Many signers chose music
to deliver a message, others created songs that are currently still appreciated from
hundreds of years and will never get old.Change preposition
for
Submitted by nadasoltan818 on
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coherence cohesion
While you have included both an introduction and conclusion, which is positive, the overall logical structure of your essay could be improved. Consider using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to outline the main idea of the paragraph. This helps the reader understand the main point and how it relates to your overall argument.
task achievement
Your paragraphs do have examples, but they would benefit from more development and explanation. When using examples such as 'Love song' by Taylor Swift, explain how this song specifically supports your point about music bridging cultures. Additionally, be careful with your references - the title of the song is 'Love Story', not 'Love song', which indicates a lack of attention to detail that can affect your credibility.
task achievement
Pay attention to the historical accuracy and the precision of your statements. Um Kalthoum was a 20th-century figure, not from the 19th century. Such inaccuracies can undermine the strength of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your examples serve to illustrate your points; however, make sure to use a wider range of cohesive devices to create a better flow between sentences and paragraphs. Phrases such as 'furthermore', 'in addition', or 'consequently' can help to link ideas more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure consistent use of appropriate referencing and formatting. When you mention song titles, books, or specific terms, use proper formatting such as italics or quotation marks to indicate titles.
