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Writing Samples
Band 6

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In
this
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 day and age, it is widely thought that the enormous
sales
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 growth of popular consumer items is
due to
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 the power of advertising and does not represent the real demand of contemporary
people
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.
However
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, in my opinion,
only
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apply
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advertisement is not what forces
people
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 to buy things,
while
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 their real demands are still a powerful factor. On the one hand, commercials indeed play an essential role in the advance of commodities
sales
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. First of all, as the communication channel between sellers and buyers, advertising helps
people
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 access
products
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 much faster and easier. In fact, there are many
people
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 who cannot find
products
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 that meet their demand until they watch advertisements and know the goods.
Besides
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, advertising takes advantage of the influence of celebrities by inviting them to participate in an advertisement. To be more specific, young
people
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 today seem to believe in the
products
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 that their idols advertise.
Therefore
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, it will help to increase
sales
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.
Moreover
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, tempting adverts can make
people
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 blur the line between real needs and stimulated desires and easily fall into the trap of consumerism which results in overconsumption.
On the other hand
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, an intensive growth of
sales
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 volume of popular consumer items has resulted from
people
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's modern lifestyle as well, where they have more material needs than the older generation. The role of advertisement, in
this
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 case, is to help
people
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 choose the
products
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instead
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 of persuading them to buy unnecessary goods.
For instance
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, electronic gadgets and household appliances that
people
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 use today were not widespread in the past. They came into our
life
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lives
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 as a natural requirement from the material-enrichment modern lifestyle and were not just pushed by luring advertisements from brands.
Last
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 but not
the
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apply
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least, advertising is not always effective and consumers plagued by the overconsumption problem gradually realize that goods promoted in advertising only bring them temporary happiness and more crowded living space which are the reason why minimalism become popular recently among consumers. In conclusion, advertisements are a powerful tool for brands and they can affect many purchasers' decisions, but I myself hold a firm belief that a great proportion of customers are driven by both their needs and the adverts they see.

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coherence cohesion
The essay adequately addresses the topic, with an introduction, body, and conclusion. The structure of the essay is clear but could be more engaging by directly referencing the question in the introduction and conclusion for a stronger impact.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has one clear main idea, and use cohesive devices appropriately to link ideas both within and across paragraphs. Avoid unnecessary repetition and strive for a more varied range of language structures to enhance readability.
task achievement
The response to the task is mostly complete, but it could be improved by providing a clearer stance in response to the question asked. The introduction should directly state the level of agreement or disagreement for a stronger position.
task achievement
Elaborate on the ideas and examples given to demonstrate comprehensive arguments. This could involve analyzing the impact of advertising in relation to societal needs in more depth, and more explicitly contrasting this with actual consumer behavior on a wider scale.
task achievement
Ensure that relevant and specific examples are used to support the points made. While some examples are provided, they could be developed further and linked more explicitly to the argument in order to clearly establish the relationship between advertising and consumer purchasing habits.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumer behavior
  • perceived need
  • lifestyle aspirations
  • brand image
  • prestige
  • psychological techniques
  • scarcity
  • social proof
  • celebrity endorsements
  • technological advancements
  • product innovations
  • emerging consumer needs
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