In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
It is undeniable that citizens in several countries
decide
to move from the countryside to cities, and the rural population is decreasing. Wrong verb form
have decided
This
essay will examine why I believe it has both adverse and beneficial aspects before elaborating on supporting ideas.
There are numerous benefits to relocate
to metropolises, Wrong verb form
relocating
although
the decreasing population number is presented in the countryside. The most essential one is job opportunity because the majority of careers which are paid with high salary
are located in capitals or enormous cities. Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
This
means that they may have a better life than their hometown. Top-ranked companies in the business area, for example
, usually hire employees with greater money and
has the
variety of works. Another reason is that there is an encouraging economy Correct article usage
a
due to
the rising
of proficient workers. The massive Replace the word
rise
job
seekers, Correct quantifier usage
number of job
consequently
, tend to move to this
area as an urbanization.
Despite the aforementioned good explanations, there are various negatives to this
development. The first of which is overpopulation owing to high
density of citizens. Add an article
the high
a high
As a result
of
many people, Change preposition
apply
the
resources Correct article usage
apply
such
as water, food, and electricity may be utilized rapidly. This
situation not only lead
to Change the verb form
leads
lack
of fundamental needs but Correct article usage
a lack
also
the garbage problem. Furthermore
, the rural zone may be abandoned by some new generations and governments since it is not a priority to improve. For instance
, some towns that should be heritage places do not receive the necessary support and end up being destroyed.
In conclusion, even though a number of people who plan to start their lives in the major cities have advantages to society, this
statement also
has some drawbacks. If governments
concerned about their citizens, they would make the best choice.Add a verb
governments are
governments were
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coherence cohesion
It is crucial to fully develop all main points to enhance the coherence of your essay. This can be achieved through well-structured paragraphs with clear topic sentences and sufficient elaboration on the presented arguments. Additionally, incorporating transition words and phrases can greatly improve the readability and flow of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, which is a positive aspect of your essay. However, the conclusion could be further improved by summarizing the main points more effectively and providing a stronger closing statement that reflects the overall view discussed in the essay.
task achievement
In your essay, some main points lack supporting examples and evidence. Make sure to include relevant, specific examples to substantiate your arguments. This will improve task achievement by strengthening the persuasiveness and depth of your analysis.
task achievement
Make sure to address all parts of the question to fully meet the task requirements. Your response seems incomplete as it does not explore the implications of the development sufficiently from both positive and negative perspectives. Expanding on the ideas with clear explanations of how they support your viewpoint will improve task response.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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