IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The bar chart below shows the numbers of men and women attending various evening courses at an adult education centre in the year 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these course participants. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.of

The bar chart below shows the numbers of men and women attending various evening courses at an adult education centre in the year 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these course participants. Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.of
#bar #numbers #men #women #courses #adult #education #centre #year #information #ages #course #participants #report #university #lecturer #summarise #features #comparisons
The bar graph illustrates the numbers of both genders attending several evening
courses
 at an adult education centre in 2009,
while
pie
Correct article usage
the pie
show examples
 chart shows the ages of these
course
 participants. The data has been calibrated in terms of percentage.
Overall
, it is clearly seen that the highest number of women were interested in every evening
courses
Fix the agreement mistake
course
show examples
 except
sculpture
Correct article usage
the sculpture
show examples
course
,
whereas
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
 proportion of youngsters
take
Wrong verb form
took
show examples
part
 in these
courses
.
According to
 the given data, nearly 10
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
men attend drama
course
Fix the agreement mistake
courses
show examples
,
while
womens
Correct your spelling
women
women's
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 20.
Moreover
, there was a minor difference of just 6 numbers between both the
sex
Fix the agreement mistake
sexes
show examples
 in
painting
Correct article usage
the painting
show examples
course
.
Therefore
, in sculpture activity males were highly interested as compared with females in the given year.
Lastly
, ladies were highly interested in the language
course
 at an adult education centre. Moving
further
, the largest percentage of
half aged
Add a hyphen
half-aged
show examples
 people take
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part
 in the classes. Followed by 40 to 49 year old masses.
Furthermore
,
least
Correct word choice
the lowest
show examples
 percentage of youngsters take
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
evening
courses
.
Moreover
, 16 per cent of 30 to 39 aged individuals take
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part
 in several activities.
Submitted by svmaibcamaibs on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover, while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 69%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words courses, course, part with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "numbers of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼

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