IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amount of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#children #families #amount #money #adult #life #parents
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I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 issue because
, Large
Correct your spelling
a large
amount
Use synonyms
 of money is not an
igonrable
Correct your spelling
important
 factor for dealing
challengable
Correct word choice
with challenging
show examples
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
 in life. In a beginning ,problem-solving skills in childhood is based on good nutritional level , have a suitable house and parents who be able to treat with their child in proper methods , so , a significant
amount
Use synonyms
 of money can accelarate these factors for having a healthy child in basicc levels ,as far I knew , there are many experimental studies have been done on the papulation for clarifying economic status and healthy behaviours in families ,but , if we have an insight in other side of wealthy gaurdians to support their own children must consider which problems we are causious that must be solve by kids that average income families could be more better that wealthy families ,
for example
Linking Words
 , the
amount
Use synonyms
 of wealth that saved by parents might be give a psedo self-confidence to children that are not under supervision for percepting life ,
for example
Linking Words
 , problem-solving abilitiees is based on having a good experiencee to behave in different situation for getting a good result for having a delight life ,
for example
Linking Words
, in basketball game among students in primary schools are so different in painting class for drawing a pleasant figure for achieving a good score that and it would be based on fundamental needs for having a safety , warmth parents and primary equipment for eduction. In sum
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, I
completly
Correct your spelling
completely
 disagree with
this
Linking Words
 issue that the large
amount
Use synonyms
 of money is specified
to
Change preposition
as
show examples
 a factor for achieving better dealing with problematic
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
.
Submitted by h.ebrahimi66 on

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coherence cohesion
Focus on having a clear structure to your essay, using introductory and concluding paragraphs effectively to present and summarise your argument.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points with clearly structured paragraphs, beginning with a topic sentence and following up with explanations or examples.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices (linking words) to connect ideas within and between paragraphs but do so naturally without excessive or forced usage.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task, ensuring that you present a clear opinion and argue it throughout your essay.
task achievement
Expand and support your main ideas with appropriate examples or evidence.
task achievement
Be explicit about how these examples support your argument to demonstrate clear, comprehensive ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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