Music plays a vital role in our country. How much has mucic influenced the way we think today? What do you think is the key role f music in today's world?

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I think that
music
Use synonyms
impact
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impacts
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us profoundly,it can release our press,
develop
Correct word choice
and develop
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our interest. We can follow it and find the beauty of the world.So,it plays an important
roles
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role
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in our
lifes
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lives
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. When I was young, I
learn
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learned
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the piano,so I always
think
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thought
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that
music
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can
Wrong verb form
could
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give us happiness. I often had bad
mood
Fix the agreement mistake
moods
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when I was in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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secondary school,but once I
play
Wrong verb form
played
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the piano,feeling the beauty of the
music
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,my soul was clean,
music
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like
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was like
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the spring rain,it let us stay away from the hustle and the bustle of the world. Picasso once said
the
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that
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people
born
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are born
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to be artists.
Music
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are
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is
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our life,it
give
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gives
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us
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
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to live.
Today's
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In today's
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world,some people have
bad
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a bad
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mood,they are under pressure,so
music
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can give them energy.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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structure
The essay lacks a formal introduction and conclusion, which are crucial components of a structured response. Incorporate an introductory statement that outlines the essay's aim and a concluding paragraph that summarizes the main points and provides a final thought or recommendation.
cohesion
Work on creating logical sequences between your points. The current essay jumps quickly from one idea to another without clear transitions and progression of arguments, this could be significantly improved with the use of connectives and a clearer paragraph structure.
examples
While personal anecdotes can enhance an essay, relying solely on personal experience limits the task response. Expand your discussion by considering broader societal impacts, offering specific research or data, and addressing multiple perspectives on music's influence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Harmony
  • Melody
  • Rhythm
  • Genre
  • Cultural expression
  • Mental well-being
  • Cognitive function
  • Digital streaming
  • Political activism
  • Economic contribution
  • Live performance
  • Trendsetting
  • Music therapy
  • Emotional resonance
  • Social cohesion
What to do next:
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