In many countries, an increase in crime has be blamed on violent images on television and in computer games. To what extend do you agree

#countries #crime #images #television #computer #games

Exposure to

media

violence and aggressive behavior: discussing research that suggests a correlation between the consumption of violent

media

and aggressive behavior or crime. Desensitization to violence: exploring how frequent exposure to violent images can make individuals less sensitive to the pain and suffering of others. The copycat effect: evaluating instances where individuals may replicate violent acts seen on TV or in games, leading to an uptick in crime. Violent

media

as a scapegoat: arguing that crime rates are influenced by a complex interplay of factors (socio-economic, psychological, environmental) and that violent

media

is often wrongly blamed.

Media

literacy and critical thinking: emphasizing the importance of teaching viewers, especially the youth, to critically assess the

media

they consume and distinguish between fiction and reality. The role of parental supervision and

media

rating systems: assessing the impact of parental guidance and content ratings in mitigating exposure to violence and its potential effects.

Submitted by dineshgodara700 on Mon Nov 27 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure

The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, which are crucial for establishing context and summarizing your main points. Ensure that your essay has a well-defined structure with these elements included.

connectors

There seems to be unclear or missing logical connections between the different points discussed. Make sure to use linking words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly.

development

While the main points are mentioned, they lack the necessary development and support through examples or data. Each main point should be elaborated upon with specific examples or evidence.

task response

The response to the task is incomplete as the prompt asks to what extent you agree with a given statement, which requires you to take a clear position and support it throughout the essay.

clarity

Ideas presented in the essay are not fully clear or comprehensive. Clarify your stance and ensure that your arguments are articulated in a more comprehensible manner.

examples

There are no relevant, specific examples to support the points made. Use real-life instances, studies, or statistics to strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

0Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

6 paragraphs

151 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

Topic Vocabulary:

correlation
aggressive behavior
desensitization
copycat effect
media literacy
violent imagery
scapegoat
media consumption
psychological impact
content rating
parental supervision
media influence
computer games
behavioral studies
socio-economic factors

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7.5
band
In many countries, smoking is now illegal in public places. Many people believe that such a ban is justified. Do you agree or disagree?
Smoking has been banned in public places like parks, hospitals and restaurants in many nations, and it is a law that many people support. I agree with this initiative because it reduces the harmful effects of passive smoking and also encourages smokers to quit.
5
band
you recently bought an item of clothing from a shop. you discovered that it had a fault and returned it to the shop for replacement or refund. however, the assistant told you that this was against the store policy. write a letter to the store manager explain the problems you have had ask for a refund or exchange on the item
I am writing this letter to express my frustration regarding the Jeans I bought last week and about your store policy.
5
band
Nowadays, international tourism is the biggest industry in the world. Unfortunately, it creates tension rather than understanding between people from different cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Nowadays, international tourism is the biggest industry in the world. Unfortunately, it creates tension rather than understanding between people from different cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
6
band
Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
4.5
band
It is more important to spend public money promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment of people who are already ill. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
It is more important to spend public money promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment of people who are already ill. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

In many countries, an increase in crime has be blamed on violent images on television and in computer games. To what extend do you agree

Fully explain your ideas

In many countries, smoking is now illegal in public places. Many people believe that such a ban is justified. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, international tourism is the biggest industry in the world. Unfortunately, it creates tension rather than understanding between people from different cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime.

It is more important to spend public money promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment of people who are already ill. To what extend do you agree or disagree?