You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic. The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

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There is a controversial perspective heating a debate over the fact that the rate of overweight in young people has a tendency to go up 20% in the

last

ten years.

This

essay is dedicated to the underlying roots, followed by some equivalent influences of

this

phenomenon. Without a shadow of a doubt, there are many justifications

why

Change preposition

for why

show examples

young people in

western

Capitalize word

Western

show examples

society tend to hike weight compared to the

last

ten years.

However

Add a comma

However,

show examples

the one that shows

impression

Correct article usage

an impression

show examples

is fast

food

Because with

Correct word choice

With

show examples

the development of technological devices, the brands of fast

food

become more and more popular, especially to

children

, with the appelling taste through selling their product

Change preposition

show examples

online sale platforms .

For example

, KFC, Lotte and Mcdonalds are successful in

purchase

Change the verb form

purchasing

show examples

their

food

through

website

Add an article

a website

the website

show examples

which help them have a large of

loyalty

Replace the word

loyal

show examples

children

customers.

Hence

, the reason why western

children

Change the verb form

are

show examples

likely to

overweight

Add a missing verb

be overweight

show examples

is the common of fast

food

While

the culprit of

this

phenomenon is widely acknowledged, it is unfair if the impacts of

this

are ignored. If young people abuse fast

food

on a regular basis, it can lead to a wealth of harmful effects on their health. Because fast

food

contains a flood of protein which requires a long time in order to completely digest so

children

can suffer from

pessing

Correct your spelling

pressing

passing

problems.

For instance

, overweight

children

can have the rate of cancer which is higher than other normal

children

. So cancer is one of the remarkable alarming influences if

children

eat more and more fast

food

. In conclusion, if

children

use a lot of fast

food

for a long time, it can trigger not only overweight but

also

serious

disease

Fix the agreement mistake

diseases

show examples

, especially cancer which can make the quality of their life go down.

Submitted by nh203618 on Mon Nov 27 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that these ideas are distinct from each other to avoid repetition.

coherence cohesion

Use a range of cohesive devices to link ideas within and across paragraphs, but avoid overuse or incorrect use.

coherence cohesion

Provide clear and concise topic sentences that summarize the main idea of each paragraph, ensuring a stronger logical structure.

task achievement

Address both parts of the task by discussing causes and effects with equal development, and ensure that the response remains directly related to the prompt throughout.

task achievement

Develop ideas fully by providing deeper analysis and more detailed explanations of causes and effects, moving beyond stating the obvious.

task achievement

Include more relevant and specific examples to support your points, ensuring that these examples clearly illustrate the arguments being made.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

292 words

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