The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

There is a controversial perspective heating a debate over the fact that the rate of overweight in young people has a tendency to go up 20% in the

last

Linking Words

ten years.

This

Linking Words

essay is dedicated to the underlying roots, followed by some equivalent influences of

this

Linking Words

phenomenon. Without a shadow of a doubt, there are many justifications

why

Change preposition

for why

show examples

young people in

western

Capitalize word

Western

show examples

society tend to hike weight compared to the

last

Linking Words

ten years.

Linking Words

However

Add a comma

However,

show examples

the one that shows

impression

Correct article usage

an impression

show examples

is fast

food

Use synonyms

Because with

Correct word choice

With

show examples

the development of technological devices, the brands of fast

food

Use synonyms

become more and more popular, especially to

children

Use synonyms

, with the appelling taste through selling their product

Change preposition

show examples

online sale platforms .

For example

Linking Words

, KFC, Lotte and Mcdonalds are successful in

purchase

Change the verb form

purchasing

show examples

their

food

Use synonyms

through

website

Add an article

a website

the website

show examples

which help them have a large of

loyalty

Replace the word

loyal

show examples

children

Use synonyms

customers.

Hence

Linking Words

, the reason why western

children

Use synonyms

Change the verb form

are

show examples

likely to

overweight

Add a missing verb

be overweight

show examples

is the common of fast

food

Use synonyms

While

Linking Words

the culprit of

this

Linking Words

phenomenon is widely acknowledged, it is unfair if the impacts of

this

Linking Words

are ignored. If young people abuse fast

food

Use synonyms

on a regular basis, it can lead to a wealth of harmful effects on their health. Because fast

food

Use synonyms

contains a flood of protein which requires a long time in order to completely digest so

children

Use synonyms

can suffer from

pessing

Correct your spelling

pressing

passing

problems.

For instance

Linking Words

, overweight

children

Use synonyms

can have the rate of cancer which is higher than other normal

children

Use synonyms

. So cancer is one of the remarkable alarming influences if

children

Use synonyms

eat more and more fast

food

Use synonyms

. In conclusion, if

children

Use synonyms

use a lot of fast

food

Use synonyms

for a long time, it can trigger not only overweight but

also

Linking Words

serious

disease

Fix the agreement mistake

diseases

show examples

, especially cancer which can make the quality of their life go down.

nh203618Mon Nov 27 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that these ideas are distinct from each other to avoid repetition.

coherence cohesion

Use a range of cohesive devices to link ideas within and across paragraphs, but avoid overuse or incorrect use.

coherence cohesion

Provide clear and concise topic sentences that summarize the main idea of each paragraph, ensuring a stronger logical structure.

task achievement

Address both parts of the task by discussing causes and effects with equal development, and ensure that the response remains directly related to the prompt throughout.

task achievement

Develop ideas fully by providing deeper analysis and more detailed explanations of causes and effects, moving beyond stating the obvious.

task achievement

Include more relevant and specific examples to support your points, ensuring that these examples clearly illustrate the arguments being made.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

292 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
You cannot go to a company where you got an offer. Write a letter to the HR supervisor to - explain the reason why you decline the offer - express you gratitude - explain you like your current job very much
I am writing in response to the offer I have received from your company. First of all, I would like to express my gratitude for this amazing opportunity; however, unfortunately, I would not be able to accept it. Allow me to elaborate on this.
7
band
In the past, most people spend their entire career working for one company, whereas people nowadays move from one job to another. What are the advantages and disadvantages of each? Which do you think is better?
In those days, most people used to work their whole career in the same company. These days, employees change several times of jobs in their lives. Although working a whole life in the same work has benefits, I believe moving from one job to another outweighs the disadvantages, such as retraining to another job to have many different professional experiences and relocate somewhere else .
6
band
3.Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world.However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business.Whv do vou think that is?
Art has long been a cornerstone of human culture, serving as a medium for expression, preservation of heritage, and societal reflection. However, in today's rapidly advancing world, the place of art in society is increasingly questioned and challenged. This essay will explore the multifaceted role of art in our communities, addressing its value, funding, and place in education.
7
band
Some people do not eat meat and fish. They think that it will better for health and also world. Discuss the the view and give you opinion.
In recent years, there has been a growing trend toward vegetarianism, with many people choosing not to consume meat and fish. This choice is often based on the belief that a plant-based diet benefits both personal health and the global environment. While some argue that a balanced diet inclusive of meat can also be beneficial, I believe that adopting a vegetarian lifestyle offers significant advantages that cannot be overlooked.
6
band
Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid?
In this contemporary era, most people feel that artists are paid too much money. I strongly concur with this view. In this essay, I will provide my opinion on this matter.

The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Your opinion

You cannot go to a company where you got an offer. Write a letter to the HR supervisor to - explain the reason why you decline the offer - express you gratitude - explain you like your current job very much

In the past, most people spend their entire career working for one company, whereas people nowadays move from one job to another. What are the advantages and disadvantages of each? Which do you think is better?

3.Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world.However, these days fewer and fewer people appreciate art and turn their focus to science, technology and business.Whv do vou think that is?

Some people do not eat meat and fish. They think that it will better for health and also world. Discuss the the view and give you opinion.

Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid?