Various career and academic choices taken by high school graduates in Lakeside country in 2010 and 2020.
The pie charts compare different
profession
and academic choices taken by graduates of high school in Lakeside country from 2010 to 2020.
At first glance, Fix the agreement mistake
professions
it is clear that
a large number of students decided to study at college in both years, while
the graduates who went for working
in freelance and informal sectors had witnessed Change preposition
to work
marginal
decline within a decade.
Turning into the details, in 2010, the largest proportion of Correct article usage
a marginal
young
generation with Correct article usage
the young
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
going
to Wrong verb form
went
the
academic places that Correct article usage
apply
was
accounted for 55%, Change the verb form
were
following
by Wrong verb form
followed
these
who made a decision about labouring ,24%. Interestingly, degree holders Correct pronoun usage
those
were remain
the same in both sections, which were setting up their own businesses and the students with no idea, 5%. Change the verb form
remained
Lastly
, young adults with the idea of working in unofficial fields made up for
11% and ranked third place in the chart.
With regard to the graph in 2020, the Change preposition
apply
amount
of students going to college and starting Change the quantifier
number
business
increased dramatically, the former and latter Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
on
constituted 24% and 38%, respectively. The percentage of graduates without any idea Change preposition
apply
marked
15% and it was 5% higher Verb problem
was
compare
to the rate of Wrong verb form
compared
student
who had Fix the agreement mistake
students
tendency
to find a job. Add an article
a tendency
the tendency
Nevertheless
, working in freelance sectors made up for
13% which Change preposition
apply
was
experienced negligible growth than Unnecessary verb
apply
previous
one.Correct article usage
the previous
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introduction conclusion present
Your introduction provides a general overview, but it lacks a clear thesis statement that summarizes the key trends or features. It is important for the reader to have a clear indication of the main comparisons or changes that the essay will discuss.
logical structure
While you have attempted to organize the essay into paragraphs, the transitions between ideas are sometimes awkward, and the logical flow could be improved by using a wider range of cohesive devices and topic sentences that clearly signal what the paragraph will discuss.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your essay addresses the prompt, but the key points could be expressed more clearly and concisely. Avoid repetition of ideas and focus on expanding on the details with clear and relevant examples. Make sure you compare the data between the years clearly to fulfil the requirements of the task.
relevant specific examples
You did reference specific data, but the examples need to be accurately reflected with percentages and compared between the two years. Explain the significance of the data in the context of the prompt and ensure that the examples are used to support the main points effectively.
supported main points
Make sure that each paragraph has a clear main idea or theme, which is then followed by supporting information. The relationship between your ideas should be explicit, with paragraphs and sentences logically connected to one another. Consider using a compare and contrast structure when discussing the differences or similarities between the two years.
complete response
To better achieve the task, ensure that the essay fully addresses the question. This includes providing a balanced comparison between the career and academic choices in both 2010 and 2020. Ensure that the conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points and reflects the information provided in the body paragraphs.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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