Large-scale festival attend tourists, bring economic benefits to an area, while taking away the local culture discuss the advantages and disadvantages.
On the one hand, there are some pros of
large – scale
Correct your spelling
large–scale
festivals
. First of all, the city where hold
the festival will be upgraded to a higher level. In fact, more Verb problem
apply
informations
about that area will be appeared on social media. Change the wording
information
pieces of information
For example
, photographers or journalists come and record videos about the festivals
then
post Correct word choice
and then
on
the Correct pronoun usage
them on
internet
. Capitalize word
Internet
In addition
, the festivals
also
give chances to children to do more outdoor activities. Nowadays, children tend to spend their time at home more than going outside so it’s an opportunity for them to enjoy the holiday with their family and friends. For instance
, Mid-Autumn
festival is a great time for children to play and watch “múa Lân”.
Correct article usage
the Mid-Autumn
On the other hand
, massive – scale
Correct your spelling
massive–scale
festivals
have some cons. Some businesses are changing our culture to keep up with the economy
challenges. Indeed, tickets at some tourist attractions have been taken to Replace the word
economic
a higher prices
. To give an example, the cost of entrance tickets to HoiAn increased very high in a short time. Correct the article-noun agreement
higher prices
a higher price
Moreover
, many landscapes have been damage
by tourists. Many people littering or drawing on walls, causes serious loss of aesthetics. Wrong verb form
damaged
Furthermore
, the government
repair in Change noun form
government's
wrong
ways Correct article usage
the wrong
also
make
the scenery become worse. Change the verb form
makes
For instance
, a lot of ancient house in HoiAn is full of graffiti and drawings, that
makes Correct pronoun usage
which
this
place loss
its antiquity.
In conclusion, large-scale Replace the word
lose
festivals
help develop the economy of an area but have negative effects on our culture and landscapes.Submitted by ms.quyenmelody on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, making it difficult to understand the writer's main argument. Ensure that the essay opens with a clear thesis statement that outlines the advantages and disadvantages being discussed, and closes with a concise summary of the key points made in the essay.
coherence cohesion
Main points are mentioned but not well-developed or supported. Work on expanding each point with explanations or examples. Also, it's important to address both sides of the argument consistently. Make sure advantages and disadvantages are balanced and fully explored.
task achievement
The response drifts off-topic by discussing matters only tangentially related to the economic and cultural impacts of festivals. Focus on the prompt and make sure the essay remains relevant throughout.
task achievement
Ideas need to be more comprehensive and clearly articulated. Strive for clarity in presenting each point, and consider paragraphs that logically flow from one to the next without abrupt transitions.
task achievement
Evidence and examples are provided but need to be directly connected to the argument. Ensure that each example clearly illustrates the point being made, contributing to a stronger argument.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.
A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).
Stick to this essay structure:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion