IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Logging of the rain forests is a serious problem that may lead to the extinction of animal life s and human life What are the causes of deforestation and what can be done to reduce its dangers?

#rain #forests #extinction #life #deforestation #dangers
Nowadays, deforestation is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 serious problem in the world.It is true that
this
 can be
cause
Add an article
the cause
a cause
show examples
 of several issues.
Especially it
Rephrase
It
show examples
 may lead to the extinction of animal life and human life.
This
 essay will focus on why logging
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the rainforest is a serious complication for
humans
 and animals. The main reason why logging of the
forests
 is a really serious trouble is that it
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
global warming.As it is known in the
21th
Change the ending
21st
show examples
 century global warming
one
Add a missing verb
is one
show examples
 of the most serious
difficult
Correct word choice
and difficult
show examples
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
 that everyone needs to face.Forest
one
Add a missing verb
is one
show examples
 of the most important
thing
Change to a plural noun
things
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our daily life and
Correct article usage
the
show examples
blankets
Fix the agreement mistake
blanket
show examples
 of the earth.
In
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 thousands of trees in the forest absorb the dirty air which
coming
Wrong verb form
comes
show examples
 from many factories and cars and
produces
Correct subject-verb agreement
produce
show examples
clean
Correct article usage
a clean
show examples
 and fresh impression. If the
forests
 are deforested, there will not be any shield to protect
this
 world.
Moreover
, some species cannot deal with these problems.
For example
,
ice-bears
Correct your spelling
ice bears
show examples
 and penguins are killed
due to
 their homes are destroyed by global warming.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
present
Add an article
the present
show examples
 time,
forests
 are resources for living.
For instance
 water,vegetables all of
foods
Add an article
the foods
show examples
 which come from the
forests
.There are a lot of
humans
 more than in the past.
This
 means that the more people in the world, the more food they need.
Therefore
, the demand will increase.
However
, if they
still
Rephrase
apply
show examples
continue to cut trees in the
forests
, they will not have any resources for
humans
 and even animals in the future.
To sum up
, logging
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rain
forests
 can
cause
humans
Fix the agreement mistake
human
show examples
 and animal annihilation for two reasons
As well
Rephrase
apply
show examples
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it can
cause
Rephrase
also cause
show examples
 global warming,
also
, it is a resource for everyone.
Submitted by marina.parmenova on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic, but there are opportunities to deepen the explanation of causes and solutions regarding deforestation. Aim to explicitly outline your main points and explore them with specific examples and a clear cause-and-effect rationale for a more complete response.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of ideas could be improved by ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to help your essay progress in a natural and cohesive manner. Also, double-check for topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs to ensure that the main point of each paragraph is clear.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: