IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Logging of the rain forests is a serious problem that may lead to the extinction of animal life s and human life What are the causes of deforestation and what can be done to reduce its dangers?

#rain #forests #extinction #life #deforestation #dangers
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Nowadays, deforestation is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 serious problem in the world.It is true that
this
Linking Words
 can be
Use synonyms
cause
Add an article
the cause
a cause
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 of several issues.
Especially it
Rephrase
It
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 may lead to the extinction of animal life and human life.
This
Linking Words
 essay will focus on why logging
of
Change preposition
in
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 the rainforest is a serious complication for
humans
Use synonyms
 and animals. The main reason why logging of the
forests
Use synonyms
 is a really serious trouble is that it
Use synonyms
cause
Change the verb form
causes
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to
Change preposition
apply
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global warming.As it is known in the
21th
Change the ending
21st
show examples
 century global warming
one
Add a missing verb
is one
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 of the most serious
difficult
Correct word choice
and difficult
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situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
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 that everyone needs to face.Forest
one
Add a missing verb
is one
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 of the most important
thing
Change to a plural noun
things
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on
Change preposition
in
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 our daily life and
Correct article usage
the
show examples
blankets
Fix the agreement mistake
blanket
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 of the earth.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
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 thousands of trees in the forest absorb the dirty air which
coming
Wrong verb form
comes
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 from many factories and cars and
produces
Correct subject-verb agreement
produce
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clean
Correct article usage
a clean
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 and fresh impression. If the
forests
Use synonyms
 are deforested, there will not be any shield to protect
this
Linking Words
 world.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some species cannot deal with these problems.
For example
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,
ice-bears
Correct your spelling
ice bears
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 and penguins are killed
due to
Linking Words
 their homes are destroyed by global warming.
In
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At
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present
Add an article
the present
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 time,
forests
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 are resources for living.
For instance
Linking Words
 water,vegetables all of
foods
Add an article
the foods
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 which come from the
forests
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.There are a lot of
humans
Use synonyms
 more than in the past.
This
Linking Words
 means that the more people in the world, the more food they need.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the demand will increase.
However
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, if they
still
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apply
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continue to cut trees in the
forests
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, they will not have any resources for
humans
Use synonyms
 and even animals in the future.
To sum up
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, logging
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rain
forests
Use synonyms
 can
cause
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
humans
Fix the agreement mistake
human
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 and animal annihilation for two reasons
Linking Words
As well
Rephrase
apply
show examples
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it can
Use synonyms
cause
Rephrase
also cause
show examples
 global warming,
also
Linking Words
, it is a resource for everyone.
Submitted by marina.parmenova on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic, but there are opportunities to deepen the explanation of causes and solutions regarding deforestation. Aim to explicitly outline your main points and explore them with specific examples and a clear cause-and-effect rationale for a more complete response.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of ideas could be improved by ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to help your essay progress in a natural and cohesive manner. Also, double-check for topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs to ensure that the main point of each paragraph is clear.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Deforestation
  • Agricultural expansion
  • Sustainable farming practices
  • Timber production
  • Tree plantations
  • Sustainable forestry practices
  • Infrastructure development
  • Urbanization
  • Illegal logging
  • Enforcement of environmental laws
  • Family planning
  • Sustainable development policies
  • Ecosystem preservation
  • Biodiversity conservation
  • Renewable resources
What to do next:
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