IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

You use the local swimming pool often and during one of your visit you have encountered a problem. Write a letter to the manager and say – What the problem was and when it happened – What the swimming pool staff have done about it – Suggest your own solution to the problem.

Dear Manager, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 mail to draw your attention to some unusual activities done by some individuals at the local swimming pool. In summer, I usually go to the swimming lagoon with my family once a week, because it is the best way to prevent heat and enjoy quality time with my wife and son.
However
Linking Words
,
last
Linking Words
 Sunday as usual, when I went there with my family I noticed that some strangers people taking photos of other people. I know mobile phones are allowed but, only for personal use. When I knew about it immediately I uniform to the swimming bath staff and, they caught the suspect checking their phones and told him to delete those photos at the time.
However
Linking Words
, I do not think
this
Linking Words
 is a permanent solution. To stop
this
Linking Words
 kind of activity in future you have to take strict action against them, and maybe you have to ban mobile devices at the swimming basin
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because nobody knows what will happen in the future. Thank you for understanding and I hope you take action against it and hope for positive change. Yours faithfully, XYZ

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Try to clearly separate your ideas into distinct paragraphs.
task achievement
Be cautious with word choices; for example, use 'strangers' instead of 'some strangers people'.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using more varied sentence structures for better engagement.
task achievement
You've addressed the problem clearly and provided a personal experience.
coherence and cohesion
The closing was polite and appropriate for a letter to a manager.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • encountered
  • cleanliness
  • facilities
  • issue
  • staff
  • address the problem
  • quick clean-up
  • unresolved
  • implement
  • regular cleaning schedule
  • peak hours
  • thorough inspections
  • dedicated cleaning staff
  • maintain cleanliness
What to do next:
Look at other essays: