Many people think that it is a waste of money to try to save endangered animal species, for example the tiger or the blue whale. To what extent you agree or disagree with this statement?
Nowadays, a lot of individuals believe that using finances
for helping
animal species that are in danger, Change preposition
to help
for
example
the tiger or the blue whale, is a waste of funds. Add the comma(s)
example,
While
this
may be accurate to some extent, I personally believe that we can use the money
in other ways that would benefit society such
as for the people
in need and restructuring the country’s weaknesses that may be corruption, low salaries and poor arranged places.
Saving endangered species is a must nowadays. We as humans, should always give a hand of help to nature when it tends to need that. However
, a lot of people
, including myself, believe that using money
on this
is a waste due to
the fact that it can be made us
Correct pronoun usage
apply
of
in other areas Change preposition
apply
such
as for the poor or homeless individuals that
are in need of some financial support or food so they can get back on track. An example of Correct pronoun usage
who
this
would be the volunteer work funded by the government that would offer free food and clothes for the people
on the streets.
Nevertheless
, it would be quite a hard hit on our human emotions if we would
not help the species that are endangered. They are the animals that lived with us for millions of years, Verb problem
did
therefore
, we must save them no matter the costs. Helping them reproduce and taking care of them would benefit us economically as well since we can place the tiger in a zoo and invite people
to visit it for a price. Furthermore
, the money
used for helping the carnivores and herbivores that are going extinct,
will actually return with bigger profits, Remove the comma
apply
while
still rescuing and giving them the help required.
In conclusion, while
many people
are of the opinion that money
used for saving animals in danger are
a waste, I am truly of the view that it has many positive effects despite the fact that we can use those funds for something else like assisting Change the verb form
is
homeless
Correct article usage
the homeless
people
or for building new parks, roads and office buildings.Submitted by acaitaz on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
The introduction should clearly state your position on the issue to immediately let the reader know where you stand. Aim for a thesis statement that is directly responsive to the essay prompt.
task achievement
Provide a more balanced argument by giving equal treatment to both sides and by discussing more thoroughly your reasons for agreeing or disagreeing with the statement.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving your essay's structure by having a clear opening statement, well-organized body paragraphs each starting with a topic sentence, and a succinct conclusion that summarizes your main points.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of linking words and cohesive devices to better connect ideas and paragraphs. This enhances the flow of your essay and makes it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
Support your main points with specific examples. This will strengthen your argument and show the examiner that you can use your knowledge and experience to substantiate your views.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!