More and more parents allow their children to play on computers as they think that children should learn technology skills. Do the advantages of this development overweigh the disadvantages?
These days, more and more people incorporate technology devices in many different
context
in their Change to a plural noun
contexts
life
, Fix the agreement mistake
lives
no
exception for parents. They start to think Change preposition
with no
some
advantages for their Change preposition
of some
children
and let them exploring
deeply, especially on Wrong verb form
explore
computers
since
Change preposition
from
very
young age. In my point of view, Add an article
a very
although
there is
some negative consequences Change the verb form
are
but
the positive effects Remove the conjunction
apply
overweigh
them.
Being exposed to Verb problem
outweigh
computers
in early
days can turn out as a huge benefit for Correct article usage
the early
children
in later stage
. If Fix the agreement mistake
stages
children
are encougared
to learn technology skills from Correct your spelling
encouraged
computers
properly and wisely, they will gain enourmous
benefits in the long run. Correct your spelling
enormous
Children
can retrieve and learn new knowledge such
as science, mathematics and any subjects children
want to learn from computers
instead
of playing video games for hours. Children
in Singapore, for instance
, is one of the strongest in STEM skill and ranked the
first Correct article usage
apply
between
many advanced Change preposition
among
western
countries.
Capitalize word
Western
Nevertheless
, playing too much
hours on Change the quantifier
many
computers
has a
negative Correct article usage
apply
consequence
Fix the agreement mistake
consequences
such
making
Change preposition
as making
children
addict
to it. Change the form of the verb
addicted
Children
who are already being addicted to the computer, normally do not go outside as much as the children
who are not. As a result
, children
will have less time to play with their friends and not able
to learn social skills. To prevent that from Add a missing verb
be able
being happened
, their parents should seriously take measures Wrong verb form
happening
such
as giving a lesson to their children
to use computers
only for learning purpose
and allowing them to use just one Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
until
two hours Change preposition
to
only
each day.
In conclusion, not only playing Rephrase
apply
computers
will make Change preposition
with computers
children
to
learn technology skills, but Change the verb form
apply
also
they can use computers
as a source of knowledge to learn any subjects they want. Although
there is still a
negative consequence Correct article usage
apply
such
being
addicted to Change preposition
as being
the
Correct article usage
apply
computers
, yet
the benefits Correct word choice
apply
overweigh
the disadvantages as long as Verb problem
outweigh
children
is under control
Correct article usage
the control
their
parents.Change preposition
of their
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task achievement
The essay adequately addresses the task, providing a clear position that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. However, to reach a higher score, ensure that the position is consistently maintained throughout the essay and developed with a more balanced discussion of both sides.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the logical sequence of ideas can be improved by better paragraphing and clearer topic sentences to guide the reader. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the supporting sentences are relevant to that idea