There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Adolescent, are under the increased influence to make it in their academics. In conjunction with
this
, more individuals are of the opinion that non-academic courses, such
as physical education and cookery should be cancelled from the school curriculum so that the students
can focus on their academic work. I disagree with this
, and the reasons will be stated before.
Firstly
, education shouldn’t be focused only on the discipline chosen by the students
, be it science or art. It should encompass other areas of study. In this
case, the non-academic subjects to make
the children Verb problem
give
have
all-round knowledge and experience. These Unnecessary verb
apply
cocurricular
courses can help the Correct your spelling
co-curricular
students
develop skills that will be useful to them in the long run. For example
, taking nutrition as an extra subject will help them know the basics of cooking. This
is important for the students
both female and male. Furthermore
, a time will come when they will need to make use of these cooking skills, so learning the topic in school will give them first-hand information of
what they are supposed to do and not do. Change preposition
about
Also
, citing another instance, physical education plays a vital role in the student's well-being irrespective of it not been
their main field of study. Teenagers need to be aware of the importance of exercise which can only be taught properly when taking Wrong verb form
being
this
topic. It will give the pupil the avenue to know the importance of keeping fit which will benefit them as they advance in society.
Secondly
, learning these other aspects of study can be useful to young people helping them to broaden their horizons in terms of entrepreneurship. The ability to build more on the discipline been taught and use it as they advance in life to meet ends meet. This
will help the individuals to extend outside not just their academics but also
give them financial liberation.
In conclusion, leaving these non-academic courses with other academic subjects will help the students
advance beyond their discipline knowledge, give them skills they might need later on and help them broaden their horizons.Submitted by horukotanemmanuel on
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introduction conclusion present
Make sure to have a clear and concise introduction that outlines your position and previews the points you will discuss. Your introduction in the essay was somewhat unclear and could be improved for reader orientation.
logical structure
Organize your essay with a clear progression of ideas, where each body paragraph introduces a new point related to the topic that is subsequently explored. While attempts were made to structure the essay, logical transitions between points were weak, affecting the flow of information.
supported main points
Be sure to support each point with relevant examples or explanations. Some main points in your essay were not fully supported, and additional evidence or illustrations could strengthen your argument significantly.
complete response
Fully address all parts of the task. Make sure to cover why you agree or disagree with the proposition in a balanced and comprehensive manner, with a clear explanation of your views. While your position is clear, a more nuanced discussion with varied reasons and examples would enhance your response.
clear comprehensive ideas
Present clear, comprehensive ideas that directly relate to the topic. Clarity can be improved with concise statements and avoiding repetition or overly generalized statements. Some ideas in the essay could be further clarified and expanded upon for depth and precision.
relevant specific examples
Include relevant, specific examples that support your argument. It is beneficial to draw on personal, historical, or hypothetical examples to illustrate your points vividly. While your essay contained examples, they should be more detailed and directly linked to your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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