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Band 2

In the past important knowledge of culture and history was stored in the museums. Nowadays information is freely available on the internet therefore is no need of museums. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#culture #history #museums #information #internet
I
am completely disagree
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completely disagree
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 with the
datas
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data
 only can available
in
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on
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Add an article
the internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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,because , it is a virtual experience and not fittable with
the
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apply
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reality ,so I will explain
disadvantages
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the disadvantages
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of unconditionally
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unconditionally
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unconditional
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 availability of information for touching history . In
a
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the
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 beginning ,
Cultutral
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Cultural
 understanding and concept of the past are captured by museums ,
for example
, during visiting tour of old historical
manuments
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monuments
monument
 is well-understood
coloures
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colours
coloured
,
percepting
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perceiving
 the form of architecture through navigating
in
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apply
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internal decoration that It would not
possible
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be possible
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by
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through
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 online events on social
medias
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media
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,
however
, before visiting , each person have a chance to familiar yourself by watching videos and etc. In
second
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the second
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 step, the meaning of culture is totally different from history and museums ,because , culture is the deep meaning of life in
regarding
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regard
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 to
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values
vlaues
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values
 and beliefs and it is not related to museums , In sum
up
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apply
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, I would
perefer
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prefer
in-person
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an in-person
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 tour
for visiting
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to visit
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from
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apply
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cultural issues and historical
mouneument
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monument
monuments
 of each country
in contrast
 with
virtual
Correct article usage
the virtual
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 experience , because , online videos are about
thechniques
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techniques
 of
show-off
Add an article
a show-off
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 .
Submitted by h.ebrahimi66 on

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Task Achievement
Your introduction lacks a clear thesis statement, which is essential in presenting your stance on the argument. It is important to clearly state whether you agree or disagree with the statement and summarize the reasons that will be discussed in your essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay does not have a clear conclusion. A conclusion is necessary to summarize your main points and restate your position on the topic. It should effectively conclude your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
The body of your essay does not clearly develop your arguments. Your points seem to be presented without a clear logical structure, making it difficult for the reader to follow your argument. Make sure to express your ideas clearly, with each paragraph containing one main idea supported by specific examples or explanations.
Task Achievement
You need to provide specific examples to support your main points. Your arguments are broad and lack the specificity required to adequately address the prompt. Including detailed examples will strengthen your essay and help you achieve a higher score on Task Achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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