Task 2: More people put their personal information online (address, telephone number…) for everyday activities such as socializing on social networks or banking purposes. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Many
people
believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
publishing personal
information
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
social media has positive development
while
others argue that, it has negative development.
According to
my point of
view
Add a comma
view,
show examples
there are significant drawbacks. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
I will provide the
evidance
Correct your spelling
evidence
for my point of view. In the contemporary world computer hackers are
becoming increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
around the world. They
use
our profile for
differnt
Correct your spelling
different
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
of crimes. Those
people
are
expert
Fix the agreement mistake
experts
show examples
for keep tracking personal
details
and
trying
Add the particle
trying to
show examples
find some
loop hole
Correct your spelling
loophole
show examples
for
success
Correct article usage
the success
show examples
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
popurses
Correct your spelling
purses
. Daily, many individuals complain
to
Change preposition
about
show examples
siber
Correct your spelling
cyber
crime regarding
this
issue but they do not decrease post their
details
. It will be easy for them to
tracking
Change the form of the verb
track
show examples
the
information
that we
posted
Wrong verb form
post
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
socail meadia
Correct your spelling
social media
.
For example
, some
people
send their credit card photos to wife through Vider or
Whats App
Correct your spelling
WhatsApp
show examples
.
This
is not safe. Those things make
task
Add an article
the task
show examples
easy for them. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
hackers
use
these
Change the determiner
this information
show examples
information
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
get financial benefits.
On the other hand
, some
people
use
this
information
for damage
emotionaly
Correct your spelling
emotionally
.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
it is harmful, many
people
post
thier
Correct your spelling
their
personal photos and
details
to maintain their status
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
socail
Correct your spelling
social
media
such
as
Face Book
Correct your spelling
FaceBook
show examples
and Instagram. Ciber
crimers
Correct your spelling
crimes
use
these pictures in
unethical
Change the article
an unethical
show examples
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
to damage
person's
Correct article usage
a person's
show examples
profile and they
acpected
Correct your spelling
expected
accepted
to get some money from the users. Nowadays,
Correct article usage
the ciber
show examples
ciber
Correct your spelling
cyber
crime rate is
extremly
Correct your spelling
extremely
high
however
, many
people
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
issue. In conclusion, hackers can
use
our
details
for different
popursoes
Correct your spelling
purposes
, they try to earn some money and some
wants
Correct subject-verb agreement
want
show examples
to damage for person's emotions.
Therefore
,
people
need to
use
this
technology wisely, if not many
people
get benefits from
thier
Correct your spelling
their
information
.
Submitted by Sa.inaka on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear structure, with an introduction that presents the topic and your viewpoint, body paragraphs that develop arguments with clear topic sentences, and a conclusion that effectively summarizes the key points.
coherence cohesion
Keep your essay logical and organized. Connect your ideas and paragraphs smoothly using appropriate linking words or phrases. It is important to ensure a natural flow and progression of ideas throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with relevant, specific examples and explanations. This not only strengthens your arguments but also demonstrates your ability to use the language to reason and provide evidence.
task achievement
Address the task thoroughly, ensuring that you respond to all parts of the question. Be sure to discuss both sides of the argument if required and provide a clear opinion when asked.
task achievement
Develop your ideas fully to give a clear, comprehensive response to the task. Avoid vague statements and ensure that your ideas are developed logically and clearly.
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your points. While personal examples are acceptable, they should be relevant and contribute to a clearer understanding of your perspective on the issue. Avoid irrelevant anecdotes or general statements.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: