Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all the societies. Do you think art and music still have a place in today's modern world of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school?

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It is considered that

art

and

music

are the key factors in all communities. I am on the opposite side in that they play a quite crucial role in contemporary society

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and support that children should already start to learn them in class. In

this

essay, I will discuss it and give my own opinion in the following paragraphs. Despite the improvement of technology and how useful it can be for us, humans should keep cultural melodies and crafts.

Firstly

art

has existed in all types of historical objects through painting or drawing and represents old life and history.

For example

, by researching these items or visiting

such

places as museums, inhabitants might acquire knowledge of the history of their ancestors and see how was the planet before us looked like.

Secondly

, it is proved by scholars that dwellers who are suffering from mental health, find

music

to relieve huge amounts of stress or even depression.

Apart from

this

, my brother in mother’s line claims that playing the melody on real instruments

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brings more meaning rather than playing it on the computer. In some other cases, learning these things as a subject can have a positive impact on

students

Firstly

, by expanding their skills at school, they may be able to explore their interests .

As a result

students

may able to reach new ideas and make their

brain

Fix the agreement mistake

brains

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more creative.

In addition

art

and

music

classes may help to find their hobbies and even future careers.

For instance

, By attaching them to the curriculum, youngsters could be able to acquire knowledge depending on their interests and achieve goals referring to them.

Furthermore

, school administration may invite some artists to regard

students

even more and help their dreams come true.

To sum up

, despite all the instruments becoming electronic these days,

art

and

music

will take main place in every part of the world. In my point of view, we should have an impact on

students

lives to waste their valuable time at school to be more creative rather than vice versa.

Submitted by esenbai0905 on Tue Nov 28 2023

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coherence cohesion

The essay demonstrates a reasonable effort to tie ideas together with clear topic sentences and concluding statements. However, it could benefit from improved clarity in the logical progression of ideas and a more systematic development of arguments. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance the flow of the text.

task achievement

Although the response addresses the task, there are instances where the argument seems to be less focused, and not all assertions are substantiated with relevant examples. Make sure to directly address the question throughout the essay, and support your points with specific, detailed examples.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

342 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

cultural identity
cognitive benefits
emotional expression
mental well-being
mindfulness
human connection
creativity
critical thinking
discipline
collaboration
economic contributions
academic performance

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Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of all the societies. Do you think art and music still have a place in today's modern world of technology? Should children spend more time learning art and music at school?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The differences between countries are becoming less and less evident. People all over the world wear the same fashions, watch the same t.v. channels, use the same brands and have similar eating habits. Do you think that the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. What is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that there are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that children should be allowed to make their own choices on everyday matters such as food or clothes. Other people, however, believe that children should not learn to make decisions since they are young.

Shopping is becoming more and more popular as a leisure activity. However, some people feel that this has both positive and negative effects. Why is shopping so popular? What effects does its increase in popularity have on individuals and on society?